Top 10 Reasons I Said NO to Kids!!!!

This post is not about hating kids because I don’t. I love/adore the kids in my life and there are a lot of them. It’s not about mocking or being mean to people who made the decision to have kids.  I am not claiming to be right or that my reasons/decision is right for everyone. It’s about my personal decision to not have kids.

1. I like SLEEP. No I LOVE SLEEP!!!!!! Its one of my, all time, top ten favorite things to do. As far back as I can remember I have loved sleep and I am very very very BITCHY when you interrupt my sleep. As a teenager no one wanted to wake me up. Often my sainted mother would send my baby sister to wake me up. Everyone knew I would not yell at her. In college I rarely had a class before 10AM. And if it was before 10AM I was often late to class.
2. POOP. Poop its gross and disgusting. I can deal with vomit but poo is just icky.
3. TEENAGERS. They are scary nothing more needs to be said.
4. TEMPER TANTRUMS. Every time I go to the grocery store there is some child throwing a fit. And I know it’s because the parent has told the child no and the child thought "hey we are in public there is no way I'm going to get paddled for this". And since you can no longer paddle a child in public the kid is right, leaving mom/dad with a screaming child in the middle of the store.
5. NICE THINGS. I have nice things and I would like to keep them looking nice. And I don’t like to share my things.
6. SPONGE BOB/THE WIGGLES. I hate children’s programming. In fact they make me want to commit extreme acts of violence like throwing the TV out of the nearest window just so I never have to watch children’s TV programming again.
7. TV/MOVIES. I like watching TV and movies that should not be watched by anyone under the age of 25. Mostly because of the content and no one under 25 will get understand the movie/TV. After all those are the best shows to watch.
8. DARK SENSE OF HUMOR. I have a very dark/strange sense of humor and I think that it’s best I don’t inflict future generations with my views. After all we don’t need more Girls Named Michael running around this planet
9. I'M OLD. If I was to get pregnant today I would be about 53 yrs old when the child graduated form High School. I know 53 is not old but who wants to be raising a teenager in their 50s. Isn’t that when you are suppose to start enjoying your life; not doing homework, and running said child to school activities and friend’s house.
10. SELFISH. I am selfish I know this and I am ok with it. Kids take a lot of time and effort. Time and effort I would rather be spending on something else like reading, shopping, The BF or my blog.

Now all my friends with kids are going to be saying but its different when its your own kids and I know that. I get that the love you feel for your children is amazing and makes it all worth it. This post is to point out to myself why I have made this choice. Now that my "time is running out" (see Tick Tock Tick Tock ) I hear that fucking biological clock tick tick ticking and I need to remind myself to hit the snooze button or I am going to start flushing my birth control pills. Thank goodness the BF doesn’t read my blog. Maybe I should buy some condoms just in case.