About a week or so ago I had lunch with The BF and his Ex-wife/Friend. This is not unusual but its also not common. On this particular day The BF was doing my a favor and I had to bribe him with food. And it just so happens that the Ex-wife/Friend was cooking lunch for everyone that day.
I called her up to see if she had enough food for him and she assured me she did but them started laughing and told me that today would have been their 7th wedding anniversary if they had stayed married. And its kind of funny that they were having lunch today. I agree it was funny and a nice lunch.
However, this post is not about "celebrating" their unanniversary this post is about the other people we had lunch...one in particular that was astonished we could really sit down and all be civil to each other. I have talked about it several times at work and on my blog I guess she thought I was exaggerating the facts because she keep going on and on and on about how we all get along.
And I am not going to lie and say its perfect and every moment we all love each other at different times they have both driven me to want to bang my head on the wall and I am guessing that I have driven them both to drink a time or two. And I know they have driven each other to the brink of insanity and beyond.
I know we are lucky but I like to think that even if I wasn't friends with her first we would still try and get along. To be honest its just easier than hating each other and I am innately lazy. I get that when it comes to divorce and kids people do some crazy stuff and resentment builds. But sometimes its is a lack of patience and a lot of jealousy and that is not healthy.
Its not good for you, your relationship and definitely not good for the kids. But you have to make a good honest effort to get along if their are children involved. My friend who was just so astonished we got along has been dating a guy for 10+ years and hates her BF's ex-wife and is quite jealous and nasty about the kids and then she gets upset that she isn't included in things.
I also realize that you can do everything to be supportive, patient and kind and the other person in the bizarre little triangle is not the same way. They are mean manipulative and jealous but you cant control their behavior you can only be responsible for yourself and giving your best each and every time.
I dont know what point I am trying to make but I hope that everyone is making that effort to be nice to each other.
I do think you have a really unique situation, where all three involved are making an effort to get along. And all three actually like each other. Count this as a blessing. :-)
ReplyDeleteWe mostly do think that way....I dont think the kids agree. To many adults watching their every move. lol.
ReplyDeleteI wish my parents had handled being divorced better. There was so much fighting, which isn't good for anyone. Sometimes, you can be better friends when you're not in a relationship, and there's nothing wrong or weird about that. I suppose people have just had too many bad experiences, so they think your positive one is strange. I think it's pretty awesome.
ReplyDeleteYou're handling this situation much more gracefully than I would. If it's actually working for you, that's quite cool.
ReplyDeleteLove the fact that you're making the best out of the situation and have an great relationship with the ex!! The kids are very lucky!
ReplyDeleteRecently my honey and my ex had to work together... well, they didn't have to but because they both love my kids, they did. It was so weird to watch them laughing together as if they were old, dear friends. I am grateful, because it is a great moment of modeling for the kids. Always. When the people THEY love can be friendly (even if the circumstances are weird) it teaches them to behave better, right?
ReplyDeleteYou have incredible insight into what is needed to make a blended family work. You care incredible!
ReplyDeletethat is awesome that you can all get along! #commenthour
ReplyDeleteGood for you for being grown up and mature enough to work with the situation in the best possible way.
ReplyDeleteI think you are an incredible woman! Honestly, there are few people capable of carrying on such relationships so kudos to you. I'm interested to see your insight on other things you've written on... Looking forward to snooping around some more.
ReplyDelete*Krystina
www.cupahotchocolate.blogspot.com
I am really loving reading your past posts about your situation! I think it is great that you use blogging as an outlet! #commenthour
ReplyDelete