For 6 long days I worried, stressed about and was on the the verge of freaking out about being pregnant.
As you can imagine being 36 years old I have peed on a stick a time or two just to make sure I wasn't pregnant but I never once really thought I was pregnant. In the past it was always more like "I know I am not but just to verify I am taking a test."
This time I really thought I was pregnant. Really I did.
I had even come to terms with the idea of having a baby and started making plans...thought of names.
I even posted on facebook and twitter that I felt a change coming. Now I sit here wondering where is my change? Do I want change? I hate change? Is this my oppurtunity to make a change? Is there change? How many times can I say the word change in one paragraph? I like the song Wind of Change. (8 times).
Now I am slightly disappointed that the results are negative.
You read that right mom! I said I am disappointed.
This is a strange new territory for me. I have been pretty clear on this topic all of my adult life. I didn't want kids. Now I am all confused and reevaluating my path. And its not just me I have to consider, I have to take into account what The BF wants.
Now I am left wondering...do I REALLY want a baby?
There is no easy answer to that but I know I need to do a lot of thinking and talking. And I need to do it soon as my Dr. told me a few years ago...I am not getting any younger.
Regardless I feel like I am at one of those moments in life when you get to choose a new direction. And now I have to ask myself, is that what I want?
And what does The BF want? That to much lets just focus on what I want...I don't know what I want.
I am not a fan of these moments. I was enjoying my life the way it was going. Nice and easy. Now I need to think and have a deep conversation with The BF.
Don't mind me I am rambling as I do a little soul searching.