Monday, October 21, 2013

I Have No Regrets...Do You?

Recently I started thinking about regrets, I know its not a happy go lucky topic but even I get get serious and deep from time to time. During this time of wondering "I asked do I have any regrets? What decisions did I make that I regret? Would I go back and change anything if the opportunity presented its self?

Not to brag but I couldn't really come up with anything I regret. I had a hard time come up with anything. I know I have said things I regret, I have a tendency to speak my mind (much more in my younger days). But I  try and apologize for the less than kind words I say, so I really don't regret saying them because I own up to my mistake and try to grow from my bad choice.

But decisions and actions...I don't regret. I know you are thinking what kind of sociopath looney tune are you? And that is a valid question, let me try and explain my lack of regret.

Its not that I haven't made bad choices and decision, at times I have made colossal mistakes. Mistakes that have often defined my life and changes the course I was walking. But I don't regret them because they have all led me to this exact moment were I am contemplating if I have regrets.

And in this moment I am happy and content with my life. I know I know could I get anymore cheesy, I hope not. Being this sappy is bad for my image. I am a fun, strange, loud mouthed, slightly (sometimes more than slightly) wacky girl and such a statement from me seems out of place. I will admit being this sentimental is not normal for me but I don't think of it as being sentimental I think its more pragmatic (there is a nickel word for you).

Does this change you opinion of me?

I hope it doesn't, I am the same girl I have always been. I am just not hanging on to the past in an unhealthy way, wait does that make me emotionally/mentally healthy.  Hold on I need to go tell everyone I know that I am healthier than they are...nah nah nah. On second thought, this is freaking me out a little, its possible I don't need as much therapy as I previously thought. I am going to go to therapy, I would just go buy a book about therapy and call it good.

 Not having regrets follows my philosophy that this is the best time of my life. I remember people telling me enjoy high school/college/being single its the best time of your life. That never made sense to me, how could that be the best moment there is so much more to see and experience. I have believed for many years now that the moment I am currently in is the best moment of my life. All the other moments build on each other to get me here and despite the heart brakes, the drama and any sadness, I am letting go of regret and guilt and moving forward.

Okay if I have to have one regret in my life it that I some how let my Health Nut Sister and Mom know that cleaning up vomit doesn't gross me. Its a weird regret I know but I am a weird girl in case you haven't figured that out yet.

This knowledge led to a very funny incident a few years back. My Health Nut Sister hurt her back and Mom was there helping to take care of her and her two daughters. At some point in the night I started to receive phone calls which I didn't answer/ignored. The Next morning after listening to several where are you voice mails. I arrive at my Health Nut Sister's house. I noticed a pile of bedding on the floor, my 4 year old niece was in the tub splashing and playing. When I asked what happened they told me between gagging that said 4 year old got sick in the night and throw up in a glass which my Health Nut Sister almost ended up drinking (remember the hurt back) This caused the Health Nut Sister to bet sick and then my Mom to be sick.

Even the retelling of this story caused the two of them to start gagging. Which I found hilarious because I am a cruel evil person at times. I did kindly clean up my niece, who was feeling much better, and wash all the linens I even cleaned up the vomit on the floor. I am not sure I regret them knowing this, I get to mock them about this and that is always fun for me.

Now that I have rambled on aimlessly making little sense my question is....Do you have regrets?

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