Today I had a conversation with some friends about marriage and commitment. And I may have made a comment on not wanting to get married.
I don't know why I said it except at the time I really meant it and still mean it. I really go back and forth on if I want to get married. Is that normal?
Its entirely possible I have a little bit of a commitment problem and why I like the idea of dressing up in a pretty dress, playing princess for a day and getting presents..the actual idea of marriage scares me more than a little. I may have nightmares about it occasionally.
Don't get me wrong I love The BF and I absolutely plan on spending the rest of my life with him, I am just not sure about marrying him despite my talking about what music I will play at our wedding all the time. I started doing it to freak out The BF and the it just became a fun little game to me.
My adverse reaction has nothing to do with The BF this is all me being crazy and feeling like I need to control the entire world or at least my world...no I want to control the world. Anyway I have this crazy notion that marriage would...I am really not sure but I would have less control whatever it is.
The logical part of my brain tells me that it wouldn't really change a lot in my life, in fact it probably wouldn't change anything at all. The crazy part of my brain is unfortunately much louder than the logical part. When it comes to certain topics, like marriage and shoes, I often can't hear the logical part.
I have no idea what all this says about me...maybe I should go back to therapy.