There is a lack of romance in my relationship.
Its no one fault like I said its was never a big thing for me and The BF. This doesn't mean he is not incredibly sweet and thoughtful (hello he checked and refilled all the fluids in my car, stayed at my hospital bed side and has even bought me tampons!!!!) because he can be I think this has to do with the romance and passion of our youth. And that ship is out in the harbor and its a pain to get to.
Let me explain....remember when you were younger and newly in love and you would make grand gestures to express that love. Romantic getaways, hand holding and sexy games of strip poker (maybe the last one was just me).
When you were in your 20s and childless you thought whip cream was not just for dessert it was something yummy to lick off your partner when you felt playful. Now you think "Really whip cream....its just sticky and I will have to shower after wards when I really want to watch Letterman."
In your 20s you would make love anywhere outside, in a car, the kitchen floor. Now you think, "Damn this is hurting my back, knees and neck."
In your 20s before you had kids you had time to come up with elaborate "love" treasure hunts could spend time planning a naked picnic. Now you think, "OMG I finally found you...now I can relax."
But The BF and I missed out on all the young and in love and no children dating. Not that my 36 years and his 40 years is old (ok he is a little old) but between work and kids and dinner we are tired. And planning all these things takes time.
Please help all my smug (heehee a little shoot out to my girl Bridgette Jones) married friends. How do you find time for the romance? Not just sex but romance!!!!!
Excuse the rantings of a this single girl in a committed relationship. I'm very muddled this week.
Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day! Mostly we rekindle our romance after I cry and beg and say "why don't you ever leave me notes, text me nice things, bring me flowers, etc, anymore?" Yeah, that's not great, but it does go by the wayside unless I do it. :)
ReplyDeleteWell I think I am going to have to do something drastic.
DeleteGirl, first off, you are not alone. I just turned 40 and Mr. Husband is 42, and I am having the same problems you are. We got married in May and it has gone downhill ever since. It's like, now that we are married, he no longer has to fight to keep my attention. So I am anxious to hear what the readers put because I, too, would like to know what I need to do.
ReplyDeleteHeather I was hoping you had words of wisdom.
DeleteI wish I had words of wisdom for you. I really do. I have been feeling the exact same way you have. I seriously am beginning that the little paper you get changes everything =/
ReplyDeleteI dont have the piece of paper.
DeleteStopping by from SITS. I wish I had words of wisdom to offer. My husband and I did get to date in our 20's and now we've been married for a year (tomorrow to be exact). We're still kidless, but have an internet startup we're working on and it takes up almost ALL of our time - starting a business is hard stuff!
ReplyDeleteOur first year of marriage was not rosy either. 10 days after our ceremony his dad was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma. We packed up our lives to move closer to his parents and his dad passed away 3 months later. It's been rough to say the least.
We try to connect by going on dates together - going out to dinner, hiking, and snowboarding. You have to make time for each other and enjoy the little things. Life is not like the movies! I'm learning that I get out what I put in.
I've also found Pamela at http://stilldatingmyspouse.wordpress.com/ though the SITS31DBBB challenge and I think her blog would be very helpful for you too.
And if you're still looking for a buddy, I'd love to help each other through the challenge. I have added your blog to google reader so I can keep up. Cheers!
Thanks for the help. I was looking for a blogging buddy until I found you.
DeleteWhat a guy - anyone who brings tampons to your hospital bed is alright with me! It may not be romantic, but sometimes utilitarian is better! My BF turned HB does those 'acts of service' and it is what I love most about him. (I haven't started on the SITS Blog Challenge yet!) Love the blog - very cool!
ReplyDeleteThanks LuAnn. He is a good guy most of the time.
DeleteWell, I have never been a huge fan of romance... my boy and I rarely ever went on dates, even when our relationship was shiny and new... possibly because we had no cars or money.
ReplyDeleteI know my parents have an agreement that they will go on a date every single week. They do more elaborate things for anniversaries and special occasions, but typically it might just be dinner before they go grocery shopping, but they go out together just the two of them every single week. They plan it into their schedule, and they have one of the longest marriages of anyone I know!
So... that's one idea!
As for me, a guy who is unashamed to buy you tampons, does the dishes, and checks the fluids of the car is worth a dozen rose-buying sonnet-spewing morons!
Im not a rose kind of girl. Im more a a romantic dinner out or at home kind of girl.
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