Wednesday, April 3, 2013

10 Rules For Dating Your Friends Ex-Husband

Its no surprise by now that I am dating my friends ex-husband or that she was the one that set us up. And in the 3 years and 3 months we have been dating I have become an expert on dating your friend's ex.

Or at least I like to pretend I am and when people ask me how do we do it I have no problem giving them advice and waxing poetically about the situation. I don't think everyone can do it...in fact I truly  believe that its rare and by the grace of God that we make it work.

Never the less I have developed 10 rules that help see me through the situation. Follow these simple rules and you to can survive be as blissfully happy as us.

10 Rules For Dating Your Friends Ex
A picture captured at a wedding we all attended, separately.
  1. Remember the issues they have had in their relationships are not your issues. Trust me you and your partner will have your own obstacles to over come, its not necessary to take on additional ones.
  2. Don't participate in any bashing of the other person. You better than anyone is aware of their faults but no matter how mad you are at one of them bad mouthing the other is always a bad idea.
  3. Don't discuss your sex life with the Ex/Friend. It gets weird to quickly. If you want to talk about your sex life I suggest blogging about it or talking to another friend. 
  4. Don't share secrets. As a friend you are often told things in confidence and as a girlfriend you also told things...there is no reason to share those secrets with the other person.
  5. Communication is important. If The BF and his Ex/Friend have a hard time communicating, and lets face it they probably do, you may be the link to help them because you speak both their languages. Embrace this and when necessary communicate without bias and emotion.
  6. Be honest about your feelings..if someone hurts them tell them but remember to be kind about it.
  7. Don't be afraid to call them on their bad choices...always do so in a loving and kind matter but remind them they are acting like idiots. I do this often.
  8. Tell them no. Because you are The Friend and The Girlfriend they may conspire together to get you to do something you don't want to do, like taking the gets trick or treating. Feel free to say no thank you I will stay home where its nice and warm and hand out candy. 
  9. Be leery of the nay sayers. Your relationship will be under a spot light and people are waiting for the "blow up" especially between you and the Ex/Friend. Just smile and know that this type of relationship is not for everyone and not everyone will understand.
  10. The most important rule is to have a sense of humor. Lets be honest it is a funny bizarre situation and if you cant stop and laugh at yourself and the situation Then its not going to work.
I think these rules may apply in most relationships.



Comments (8)

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Congrats on your new relationship. And since you were set up, can't you tell the naysayers to take a hike? I suppose being happy and enjoying is reward enough.

Going out is much better then staying in at Halloween.

Lisa
1 reply · active 626 weeks ago
Thanks Lisa...I love staying in on Halloween Night....seeing all the little kids costumes is so much fun.
I just have to give you amazing credit for being able to do this. In my world, all of my friends exes are strictly off limits - as are mine. Its a line that (thankfully) has never been crossed. I do not know if I could be as diplomatic about it as you are lol
1 reply · active 625 weeks ago
Mine to...if she hadnt set us up it would never have happened.
Wow! that is great that it is working out! That is certainly a unique situation and it sounds like you are all very mature about it! Congrats!
1 reply · active 625 weeks ago
We try to ne mature but mostly we just laugh about how odd we are.
I need pointers. My friend/co-worker just did the same with me and her ex! Its weird and the people who know about it talk smack
1 reply · active 615 weeks ago
Tell them that is takes someone who is mature and very secure in themselves to be able to have a relationship like this, Its not for the weak of heart. And you really have to laugh about it and not let the little stuff get to you.

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