Writing With One Hand Behind My Back

Yesterday I shared that I was already to write a post, got upset and then was unable to write. This happened to me often last month. That is why my posts were few and very far between. Just when I was ready to start posting again I would get upset again. July was not a good month for me.

Seriously sitting here writing this I have tears running down my face. 

But it has got me thinking...why do I have such a hard time writing about the dark emotions in my life? 

Not the angry/hateful emotions, I have no problem expressing my annoyance with the world ask my coworkers, friends, family, random strangers. Its  the sad depressing ones emotions that I do not often express well. I keep them bottled up and locked down until you find me huddled in a corner sobbing and unable to tell you what is wrong. And when that happens I can not write. I can not do much of anything to be honest.

I think it is because at some point in my life I decided that those emotions are not to be expressed...after all big girls don't cry. Right?  It is something I have struggles with for most of my life. Crying is weak, I am not weak, hence I don't cry...its my emotional version of if A = B and B  = C then A = C (take note mom, that is 4 years of college at work right there). 

This attitude has never served me well and I think its time I moved on..it is hindering my ability to write about all the funny adventurous things that have happened. Or the very random thoughts that I know you are dying to read. 

This last month a lot of what happened is not about me but a close family member who is going through a really rough part of life and my heart brakes when ever I am confronted with what is happening. After spending time with the family member I often go home and cry or sit in my office and cry or drive home and cry...I have been crying a lot. I didn't even know I could cry that much. And while I am not going to share their story because I want to respect their privacy, I have decided it is okay to share my emotions. 

You have been warned.

I think I just matured a little. 

This may be a sign of the end times. 

This inspiration for this post came from Story Dam. Please check out this wonderful site for writers by writers.