Friday, August 2, 2013

Writing With One Hand Behind My Back

Yesterday I shared that I was already to write a post, got upset and then was unable to write. This happened to me often last month. That is why my posts were few and very far between. Just when I was ready to start posting again I would get upset again. July was not a good month for me.

Seriously sitting here writing this I have tears running down my face. 

But it has got me thinking...why do I have such a hard time writing about the dark emotions in my life? 

Not the angry/hateful emotions, I have no problem expressing my annoyance with the world ask my coworkers, friends, family, random strangers. Its  the sad depressing ones emotions that I do not often express well. I keep them bottled up and locked down until you find me huddled in a corner sobbing and unable to tell you what is wrong. And when that happens I can not write. I can not do much of anything to be honest.

I think it is because at some point in my life I decided that those emotions are not to be expressed...after all big girls don't cry. Right?  It is something I have struggles with for most of my life. Crying is weak, I am not weak, hence I don't cry...its my emotional version of if A = B and B  = C then A = C (take note mom, that is 4 years of college at work right there). 

This attitude has never served me well and I think its time I moved is hindering my ability to write about all the funny adventurous things that have happened. Or the very random thoughts that I know you are dying to read. 

This last month a lot of what happened is not about me but a close family member who is going through a really rough part of life and my heart brakes when ever I am confronted with what is happening. After spending time with the family member I often go home and cry or sit in my office and cry or drive home and cry...I have been crying a lot. I didn't even know I could cry that much. And while I am not going to share their story because I want to respect their privacy, I have decided it is okay to share my emotions. 

You have been warned.

I think I just matured a little. 

This may be a sign of the end times. 

This inspiration for this post came from Story Dam. Please check out this wonderful site for writers by writers. 

If you like it share it

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...