Been then one day I changed...okay maybe it was over time but I did in fact change.
You may be wondering, "How do you know you really changed? Maybe you are just so good at acting you have fooled yourself." That is a very good question and I think the answer is that I can say no without feeling guilty.
I no longer worry that telling a friend/family member will make them love/like me less. I don't care if that is your response to my declining your invitation or request for a favor. Before my metamorphoses I would have cared.
I would often say yes putting my needs/wishes after everyone else's needs due to fear that you may not like me as much if I said no. So while I may have appeared to be confident I was in fact a scared little people pleaser.
Then I started saying no and it was empowering.
I didn't become selfish (okay maybe I did..little) but I just decided I would only say yes if I could do so without resentment and fear. This was liberating. I was actually happier and was able to do the things I needed and wanted to do. When I was do what ever you asked of me I smiled and was helpful.
It wasn't easy. At first I would stress out every time I said no. I was in a constant state of worry but I started to realize that me saying no did not cause the world to end. Saying no did not impact our relationship and if you no longer liked me that said more about you than me.
Saying no was not a commentary on our relationship either. It was just me saying I am not able to do that and sometimes I don't want to do that.
I don't always say no. I say yes a lot because I am a nice person who likes to help people and like enjoy the company of others but I will do it on my terms.
Does this make me selfish?