As an unofficial blended family, we are trying to find our traditions. Its not always easy to establish figure out the traditions when the kids spend every other holiday with the other parent. Plus you have to combine the traditions of two different families.
This is not always easy.
I think it's important to not focus on the time you don't have the kids but the time you do have them, for example: this year the "pseudo" step-kids will be at their moms for Christmas this year. Which means we don't have them for Christmas Eve. So this year we will open our Christmas eve gift (pajamas, hot chocolate, popcorn and a new Christmas movie to watch) we will open them the Saturday before Christmas. On Christmas Day we like to have a big fancy breakfast, so the Ex-Wife/Friend will bring the "pseudo" step-kids over early so we can eat and open gifts.
Just in case you think this is all one way...at the first of December the Ex-Wife/Friend's mom (who lives out of town) comes and visits for 2 weeks. During that time The BF is flexible with parent time, allowing the kids to spend lots of time with their grandma. When its "our Christmas" we let the gets go to the Christmas Eve service with Ex-Wife/Friend and instead of them spending time with her early in the day (like we do) on Christmas she takes them in the afternoon for a big family party at her dad's.
(Just in case you think this is only about time with the "pseudo' step-kids, we enjoy our time without them...we like to go to the movies on Christmas Day without them).
Our goal is to create a happy day without stress. I think it's about being flexible and respecting each others traditions. After all its not about you and your ego its about the kids, compromise is key. I know it's not always possible for this to happen. It takes every person putting their ego aside and figuring out, I know I also lucked out by being friends with the Ex-Wife/Friend first then hooking up with The BF.
I love when I start sounding like I know what I am talking about.