I Can't Swim or Pee in the Woods

My mom has taught me many many things through out my life most notably...I make really good gravy.

That's right I said I make good gravy.

In my family this is a very important skill....because we love gravy.

I can make all kinds of gravy: from scratch, from a package, white gravy, brown gravy, for turkey dinners or beef. It is an amazing skill and most important my gravy is never lumpy.

Once when my Health Nut sister was pregnant with her youngest she called me at 9:37PM to drive over to her house and make her biscuits and gravy because I know how to make it just right and she was in the middle of a viscous and rather bizarre craving.

Despite passing on this valuable skill to me, her oldest daughter, my mother claims she has failed me because I cant pee in the woods without peeing on my leg. My younger sisters can do this but I was never able to master this valuable skill.

Then it dawned on me I don't like the Great Outdoors (I do like the movie The Great Outdoors...the scene with the bear still cracks me up). Maybe the reason I never mastered the skill is so I would always have a reason to not be in the woods.



After all bad things happen to those who go camping. if you don't believe me go watch Friday the 13th. (A friend recently told me I watch to many horror movies...she may be right).

I would like to note that I also cant swim but my mom doesn't think this is as important as being able to pee in the woods or make really good gravy.