My birthday is in 4 days.
Yup in 4 days I will officially be a year older.
I know its exciting and fun and you are thinking...Happy almost birthday Girl Named Michael.
Thanks for the birthday wish.
But I am not excited for this birthday.
Which is strange because I am that girl that likes to celebrate her bday. I start dropping birthday gift hints months in advance. I get all giddy with the idea of birthday cake (or cupcakes because I am not a fan of cake). I relish in the happy birthday texts, calls and cards.
And its not because I am turning 37. But when did that happen. 37 really???? I don't feel 37...I feel 27 or at least I act 27, which is the same thing.
But this year I am a little sad.
My grandma that passed away shared the same birthday with me. So instead of my giddy light head happiness that accompanies my bday I am a bit melancholy and moody. We never did anything special on our shared day but I tried to always call and talk to her. But for the last week when I think of that day I want to cry and I can barely talk about it with out crying. As I sit here tears are gathering in my eyes and I am fighting the urge to sob. (If I was home I would give into this but sitting in the office I feel I should control it a little.)
In fact yesterday when The BF was trying to figure out how many people would be at my party (he was ordering my gourmet cupcakes) I told him I didn't want a big deal just a quite lil gathering with him and The "pseudo" stepkids.
This caused my co-worker to stare at me in utter shock. I think she is watching my closely waiting for the inevitable nervous brake down.
I swear I am fine. I just want some peace to reflect and gather up all the pieces that are scattered.