My birthday is in 4 days.
Yup in 4 days I will officially be a year older.
I know its exciting and fun and you are thinking...Happy almost birthday Girl Named Michael.
Thanks for the birthday wish.
But I am not excited for this birthday.
Which is strange because I am that girl that likes to celebrate her bday. I start dropping birthday gift hints months in advance. I get all giddy with the idea of birthday cake (or cupcakes because I am not a fan of cake). I relish in the happy birthday texts, calls and cards.
And its not because I am turning 37. But when did that happen. 37 really???? I don't feel 37...I feel 27 or at least I act 27, which is the same thing.
But this year I am a little sad.
My grandma that passed away shared the same birthday with me. So instead of my giddy light head happiness that accompanies my bday I am a bit melancholy and moody. We never did anything special on our shared day but I tried to always call and talk to her. But for the last week when I think of that day I want to cry and I can barely talk about it with out crying. As I sit here tears are gathering in my eyes and I am fighting the urge to sob. (If I was home I would give into this but sitting in the office I feel I should control it a little.)
In fact yesterday when The BF was trying to figure out how many people would be at my party (he was ordering my gourmet cupcakes) I told him I didn't want a big deal just a quite lil gathering with him and The "pseudo" stepkids.
This caused my co-worker to stare at me in utter shock. I think she is watching my closely waiting for the inevitable nervous brake down.
I swear I am fine. I just want some peace to reflect and gather up all the pieces that are scattered.
MJ... you should celebrate it as if she was there... she will be watching and smiling at you.
ReplyDeleteand btw... Happy almost b-day. Sorry that it's not as happy as it should be, but we're still here for you!!!
MJ, I'm so sorry for your loss. 8 years ago my closest grandma passed away 3 days before my birthday. I had flown to Fresno where she was dying and the family decided they wanted her buried in Utah. There wasn't a lot of family in Utah, so I spent my actual birthday visiting flower shops and planning my grandma's funeral. It was so very sad for me, but I felt that she was there with me. I still miss her very much and wish many times that I can talk to her and I wish she'd known me now because I've grown so much since then (I think she'd *like* me much better).
ReplyDeleteI understand your desire for a quiet birthday. I hope those around you can respect your wishes. I hope you have a great birthday and that you find peace with her passing. Watch for her in your dreams, I'm sure she'll be there.
Happy almost birthday! ♥
Now I have that song stuck in my head. I hope people respect your wish for a quiet birthday. All things take time. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to have a quieter celebration because you are still sad.
ReplyDeleteI hope your birthday was what you wanted. I was happy to be twitter chating with you for it. (((Hugs))))
ReplyDeleteThank you all for the birthday wishes. I had a nice quite day. I got to do what I wanted and I ate way to much chocolate.
ReplyDelete