Thursday, August 30, 2012

A Very Merry UnBirthday to Me!!!

My birthday is in 4 days.

Yup in 4 days I will officially be a year older.

I know its exciting and fun and you are thinking...Happy almost birthday Girl Named Michael.

Thanks for the birthday wish.

But I am not excited for this birthday.

Which is strange because I am that girl that likes to celebrate her bday. I start dropping birthday gift hints months in advance. I get all giddy with the idea of birthday cake (or cupcakes because I am not a fan of cake). I relish in the happy birthday texts, calls and cards.

And its not because I am turning 37. But when did that happen. 37 really???? I don't feel 37...I feel 27 or at least I act 27, which is the same thing.

But this year I am a little sad.

My grandma that passed away shared the same birthday with me. So instead of my giddy light head happiness that accompanies my bday I am a bit melancholy and moody. We never did anything special on our shared day but I tried to always call and talk to her. But for the last week when I think of that day I want to cry and I can barely talk about it with out crying. As I sit here tears are gathering in my eyes and I am fighting the urge to sob. (If I was home I would give into this but sitting in the office I feel I should control it a little.)

In fact yesterday when The BF was trying to figure out how many people would be at my party (he was ordering my gourmet cupcakes) I told him I didn't want a big deal just a quite lil gathering with him and The "pseudo" stepkids.

This caused my co-worker to stare at me in utter shock. I think she is watching my closely waiting for the inevitable nervous brake down.

I swear I am fine. I just want some peace to reflect and gather up all the pieces that are scattered.

5 comments:

  1. MJ... you should celebrate it as if she was there... she will be watching and smiling at you.
    and btw... Happy almost b-day. Sorry that it's not as happy as it should be, but we're still here for you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. MJ, I'm so sorry for your loss. 8 years ago my closest grandma passed away 3 days before my birthday. I had flown to Fresno where she was dying and the family decided they wanted her buried in Utah. There wasn't a lot of family in Utah, so I spent my actual birthday visiting flower shops and planning my grandma's funeral. It was so very sad for me, but I felt that she was there with me. I still miss her very much and wish many times that I can talk to her and I wish she'd known me now because I've grown so much since then (I think she'd *like* me much better).
    I understand your desire for a quiet birthday. I hope those around you can respect your wishes. I hope you have a great birthday and that you find peace with her passing. Watch for her in your dreams, I'm sure she'll be there.
    Happy almost birthday! ♥

    ReplyDelete
  3. Now I have that song stuck in my head. I hope people respect your wish for a quiet birthday. All things take time. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to have a quieter celebration because you are still sad.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hope your birthday was what you wanted. I was happy to be twitter chating with you for it. (((Hugs))))

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you all for the birthday wishes. I had a nice quite day. I got to do what I wanted and I ate way to much chocolate.

    ReplyDelete

If you like it share it

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...