Monday, July 9, 2012

Why Am I so Confused?

Not to long ago I talked about maybe wanting to have a baby and I am still a little unsure about what I want. In an attempt to determine my feelings I decided it would be smart to talk to The BF to find out what he thinks....I now doubt my ability to make decisions.

The BF is against having another child...seriously against having a baby or so he says. He is sending some serious mixed signals.

Be warned this conversation is about to get personal!!!!!

He says No No No he has two kids and he doesn't want anymore. His reasons (I think are silly but they are his thoughts/feelings and I don't want to dismiss them because he has a right to them) are that he will be to old and he doesn't think it would be fair to the child to have an old dad that cant do the things he does now. Even if I got pregnant today he would be 42 when the baby was born which would make him 60 when it graduate from high school. Also babies are expensive and he worries that we will not be able to provide for a child once he retires.

Now that you know what he is thinking lets talk about his actions. Until recently I have been religious about preventing "accidental" pregnancy but I have stopped taking all my preventative methods...The BF is aware of this but is not using any form of prevention. He doesn't even talk about using precautions or attempt to use them even though I know we have condoms (they are in his nightstand) we could be using.

I have mentioned, several times, that this is the equivalent of playing baby Russian roulette but still no preventative methods of any kind are used.

When I talk to him about this (which is not easy) he says if we "accidentally" get pregnant that's okay we just can not plan or try to get pregnant. WHAT THE HELL!!!!

Isn't having sex with out protection planning on getting pregnant????

I am so very confused by this....his words say no but his actions say yes maybe.

And lets be honest he is going to think I planned it if I do "accidentally" get pregnant so shouldn't I just go ahead and plan it?

10 comments:

  1. I'm fairly new to your blog so I don't know the extent of you and your BF's relationship so I have to ask. Is this a boyfriend or a husband you care calling BF? You may get many opinions, mine is this and has been my rule since I become "pregnant" eligible. If two parties agree on having a child and wanting the child, then go for it. If one party is saying is back and forth about it, I say protect yourself. If by chance you did become pregnant and he is a bf as in boyfriend, would he still stick around? Just my two cents, again, as I don't know the extent of your relationship. When in doubt, don't do it.

    I hope things work out for the best for both of you. :)

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    1. Yes he is my boyfriend and he would stick around...I think. LOL. Okay i know he would he may be as flawed as I am but he is a good father to his 2 children and fought hard to preserve his parental rights when his marriage went south.

      I would like us both to be on the same page but he knows I am no longer preventing pregnancy and leaving it up to him.

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    2. Well I wish you both lots of luck in "trying" and look forward to the news that says "I'm pregnant!" :)

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  2. There is this state of flux when it comes to having babies called "not preventing." This is different than trying because of the plausable deniability. Basically not preventing is the state where you aren't sure you want a baby, but would be ok if you had one, though not fully admitting you will be ok. Most of the time not preventing moves into trying after an event that makes you realize you DO in fact want a baby. In my case it was a late period, that eventually came. In those 4 days I was late, I was thinking I didn't want to be pregnant again. When my period started, I sat on the floor and cried for 2 hours. Then I knew I wanted a baby.

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    1. I period that was 6 days late is what made me realize that I might want a baby. Okay I am 97% sure this is what. I need to get The BF on the same page so that we can move from not preventing to trying.

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  3. Wow, that's a tough one.
    I get what he's saying about being an older father. I know when I'm around younger kids, they wear me out. It's not like in your 20's and 30's but in the same breath, people his age and older do it all the time.
    I was never one to plan my kids. Sometimes I took precautions, sometimes I didn't. But I always felt my kids were meant to be.
    I'll tell you loudly and strongly I don't want anymore children at 43 but I also have times when I wish I could have just one more.
    It's not always an easy decision to make and what you're feeling is normal and so are BF's feelings.
    I think the bottom line is this, if it happens, it happens.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks that is good advice.

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    2. Grandma(yours ,my mother) once told me the only time you can aford a baby is when one is on the way.I have found this to be true , since thBF is a prity good dad Im sure he would stick around , my relious belifes tell me that you should be married befor you have a child . I also think lots of men have this delema , Uncle Michael was happy with one child he is just as pleased with all the rest that we were blessed to raise .

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    3. Grandma is a very wise woman. I think The BF is just freaked out that he is in his 40s. I wouldn't hold your breath that I will be married. Other than the whole getting wedding gifts thing its not my style.

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