A Big Fat F for Fat and a Slouchy L for Lazy

I haven't really talked much about my weight loss/get healthy journey recently and that is because I have not been doing so well. I have been indulging in some very bad habits.

I have been having a hard time and instead of clinging to my new habits I slipped back into those old comfortable easy ones...you know the ones that involve little movement and lots of sugary drinks. The habits that caused me to gain back some of the weight I lost.

I can look at this one of two ways: 1. I can indulge in the negative/defeatist self talk or 2. Embrace it as a learning moment and learn from it.

The first way is how I always looked at it in the past, always telling myself how bad I am at self discipline/self control. But this time around I am going to get back on the treadmill and stop drinking beverages that are full of sugar.

Of course this means I have to start everything all over again. the good news is I didn't gain all the weight back so I am not starting from scratch but I have to start working on my new healthy habits again.

This weeks goal

• Good Habit: Increase my water intake -I like water (not as much as soda obviously) and I am on a spending diet (more on this later) so no more soda when I can get water for free
• Bad Habit: No snacking - I am hoping this will be easy especially since I am on a spending diet and will not be buying snack foods.

Wish me luck!

What are your healthy life style goals for the week?

Whats Your Blood Pressure Number?

The other day I got the following text from The BF:

• Hey we got my blood pressure down to 128/85

I was over joyed because even though it was still high it was better than the last time he had it taken which was some where between I am about to have a stroke or heart attack and I am already dead. Seriously last time I was sure if he didn't marry me in the next 3 months he would be dead and I would forever be alone. I am dramatic that way.

I am glad his is coming down. The number one change, we rarely eat processed food anymore and we only go out about once a month. This not only saves us A LOT of money but has the added benefit of knowing how much sodium is in the food we eat. He has cut down on the amount of caffeine he drinks,, alcohol and we eat more vegetables. Which has lead to this dramatic decrease. Next its all about exercising and stress management for him.  I think we need to stress the stress management.

After his text I started thinking about blood pressure. And what does it really mean? If you have low blood pressure dies that mean you are healthy? If that is the case then I am healthier than I though after all last time I had it checked it was 117/68. And that was high for me. So if blood pressure is the only indicator then I am going to live forever!!! Woo Hoo!!!!

Unfortunately blood pressure is not the only indicator of your over all health. Which makes me sad because I would really like to have a cupcake when I get home.

So in an attempt to understand how healthy I am or I am not I am making a goal in the next three months ( I know this sounds like a long time but it a crazy time of year) I will know what my LDL, HDL, blood sugar, resting heat rate, temperature, rate at which my hair grows and anything else the doctor thinks I should know about.

Do you know all the your important numbers? Take the challenge with me. And discover if you as healthy as you think.

Here are this weeks goals.

Good Habit: Exercise 5 times this week for at least thirty minutes. I haven't been doing well with this over the last few weeks.

Bad Habit: No sweets. Last week was bad and now I am craving sugar and wondering if there is any cake left from my sisters wedding.
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Unhappy with the My Weight Loss

I am going through some weird things recently...I am feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, I hate all of my clothes and I am generally unsatisfied with my body.

This is not something that is normal for me. I a long time embraced the shorter than average and fatter than average me. I was okay with and decided to "own it" and accept the not made for fashion magazine me. But for the last two wings I have been going through something.

I think that my body is changing due to the healthy eating and increased movement and now nothing fits right and I look at myself in the mirror and I hate the way I look.

Yup I am the girl who hates the way she looks as she is losing weight....who does that? What kind of person gets up set and uncomfortable because they are losing weight? Is it some kind of self sabotaging mind set?

Is this why I am really struggling with making myself exercise or snacking recently? Its been a fight to keep myself on track and slipping is a daily occurrence. I cant tell you how many times I have just snacked on food. I try to correct the problem by stopping as soon as I realize I am snacking or eating an ultra healthy dinner. (What is an ultra healthy dinner you ask?...a very boring salad, luckily I like salad).

I am just unhappy with the transitionally me. I am hoping its a phase or a side effect of sugar withdrawal or maybe if my thyroid adjusting to the changes in my diet. That would mean one day I will again be comfortable in my skin and can go around singing "I feel pretty, Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and bright..." because right now I just want to slap any girl that is me to night

Here are this weeks goals, they are the same ones from the last two weeks.

Good Habit: Add strength training into my daily exercise...at least three times this week.

Bad Habit: No shakes, candy or soda for the week.

Still On My Weight Loss Journey

Despite not blogging for awhile I have been still working on my weight loss journey. It has not been  easy...37 years of bad habits are hard to brake. But I like to think I am a work in progress and like stinky cheese I get better with age (I am a little self deprecating this week).

In case you are also on this journey with me,  I thought I would share some of my ups and downs.

UPs

• I have steadily lost 1-2 lbs a week.
• I am finally getting in the habit of drinking a LOT of water. 
• It looks like I will be able to wear my very cute black and white dress (with my red FMPs) to my sister wedding...it hasn't fit for awhile.
• I'm starting to feel more energetic.
• My knees hurt less.

DOWNs

• I had a bad few weeks and I ate a lot of sugar...mostly Snickers milk Shakes from Arctic Circle. The first week I still lost 1 lbs the second I didn't lose but luckily didn't gain.
• I have developed Plantar Fasciitis...this is insanely painful especially in the morning or after I have been sitting for awhile or during exercising..pretty much all the time.
• I have not been able to kick the soda habit. I try and try and try but beyond the caffeine and sugar high I really like the taste of Coke, its so good. 
• I have been discouraged that I am not losing weight faster...I want immediate results. I know that is unhealthy and I am working on celebrating the little successes. Like my clothes are a little less tight. 

In case you want to know, here are my habit changes for the week.

Good Habit: Add strength training into my daily exercise...at least three times this week.

Bad Habit: No shakes, candy or soda for the week.

Weighing in on a Weighty Subject

Recently a good friend on Facebook had a discussion on how often you should weigh yourself. There was a nice discussion about daily, weekly or monthly weigh ins. Now I am not a fan of weighing myself in fact until recently I didn't even own a scale. The scale and I are not friends, in fact I think we  are mortal enemies. Although which one of this is the hero and which one is the bad guy is still open for debate.

With that being said I decided to get one to help me with my weight loss journey. It can be a good indicator to help you decided if the things you are doing are working or not. But I worry about the effect it will have on the "pseudo" step-kids especially the daughter. As woman our whole self esteem can be become wrapped up in the number on the scale.

For me personally if the number on the scale would get to high I would get depressed which often lead to more eating....I am an emotional eater. When I am sad I eat, when I am bored I eat, when I am angry I eat (actually I drink wine but that is a lot of calories). So then I would avoid the scale (by avoiding the Dr because that is the only time I stepped on the scale) and then when I was finally forced to get on one I would get depressed hate myself and my body. Talk about a vicious cycle and I can't even blame anyone for it...this is all me.

Now that we have established that I have any unhealthy relationship with my scale...How often do I weigh myself?  I have decided on once a week to help me monitor if what I am doing is helping or hindering my ability to get healthy.  To be honest with you the scale sits on the floor in my bathroom (which is better than the kitchen I think) and every time I walk in there I fight the urge to step on the scale. Its a constant mental battle I have with myself...even though I know that your weight will fluctuate through out the day, I still have to fight myself to stay off.

I also want to help the kids in my life have a healthy relationship with food and the scale. How do I do that when I have a bad relationship with food and the scale?

Here are my weekly get healthy habits.

Good Habit: Get on the treadmill 5 days this weeks, for at least 15 minutes preferably 30 minutes.

Bad Habit: No extra snacking. I know this was last weeks bad habit but I didn't do as well as I would hope to do with it so I am trying again this week.

I'm Fat...Now What?

Last week I admitted I am obese (I keep saying it out loud so I don't forget) and that was my first step to getting healthy. Everyone was more than supportive and I want to thank you all for your encouraging. You have given me the courage to continue talking about my fat ass...like that was ever in question.

I wish I was as "fat" as I was at 17.

Today I am going to talk about a topic that I think most over weight people understand, Bad Habits. I am not fat because I don't know what I am suppose to do. I have read the books, articles and been lectured to by my Doctor. My sister The Health Nut is always encouraging me to move and eat healthy. ..if she read my blog she would probably bring over a green drink for me right now and want to go for a walk. My Baby sister is always encouraging me to eat green and organic foods.

But my bad habits always get in my way. I do good for a month or even 3 but then the bad day comes and all those habits I worked hard to eliminate come back and I am eating a package of cookies and drinking milk straight from the carton in my car in the grocery store parking lot...true story.

So this time around I am taking different approach to getting healthy...instead of changing all my bad habits over night I am picking one bad habit to stop and one good habit to start every week. That way if I slip up (trying to be positive here) I won't feel like I have screwed everything up (this is a thinking error I know) and finish off the package of cookies. I can just move forward. And in a spirit of accountability and honesty I am sharing my habit changes.

Last week:

• Good Habit: Increase my water intake to 3 liters a day. Boy to I have to pee a lot.
• Bad Habit: Don't add sugar to anything...like my coffee. Luckily I enjoy coffee enough to drink it black.

This week:

• Good Habit: When at work get up and walk around every hour when possible
• Bad Habit: No extra snacking...I am a horrible snacker if there is a bag of potato chips out I will get up several times to get a small handful. These calories add up fast.

Add in the commitment to eating healthy meals (I actually do pretty good a
t this when I want) and exercising I think its a good first step.

If you are thinking of getting healthy yourself please join me on myfitnesspal.com so we can encourage each other.

MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Admitting You Have a Problem is the First Step

I read a blog recently that was very inspiring, it caused me to pause and seriously exam my life. Yes it was that good of a post.

So thanks to Stephanie over at Babes Rockin Miami I am going to reveal a secret...okay not a secret but I am going to say something out loud I have never before said out loud. I am fat, and not just OMG my jeans are tight, I am FAT. Seriously fat I'm at least 83 pounds over weight. I am pretty sure they call that obese. I call it Fatty McFatty.

I haven't always been this fat. I use to be less fat but I was always the chubby one, and I don't mean I am 'build" different from my friends although I was I was fat in high school and got fatter in college and even fatter after college. I have horrible eating habits; portion sizes to big, lots of eating out, I am a huge fan of soda, and oh yeah I love sugar!!! I also hate exercise, sweat is yucky.

Notice how I am using the dog to hide my body.

Normally I would say I am okay being fat. I have a pretty face. I am fat and fabulous. Lets face it none of that crap is true. I may be comfortable with who I am but I am not comfortable in my skin. To be honest how could I be comfortable I am 5 foot 1.66 inches tall and I weigh 205 lbs....that'
s obese. I think the term is actually morbidly obese.

.I am also feeling brave enough to make a list of all the reasons I hate being fat.

Reason Being Fat Sucks

1. My knees hurt all the time. Seriously all the time. walking across the street is painful, standing in the kitchen to cook hurts.
2. Breathing has become more and more difficult especially going up stairs which is really bad when you live in a split level home.
3. Clothes that are really cute do not come in plus sizes and if they do they are not as cute on you as they are on your skinnier friends.
4. No energy....I am drained all the time. All I want to do is sit because I am so tired all the time.=, even simple tasks are hard.
5. Being described as cute for someone my size...seriously true story, people say really dumb things  to you when you are fat.

I know in the past I have said I am going to get healthy and lose weight, I have said that a lot. I have never admitted how overweight I am. I think being honest and saying the words out loud and being honest about how fat I am is the first step in my recovery...do they have fatties anonymous?