Stockings and Garters and Corsets...Oh My

Mom this is one of those posts you will want to stop reading right now.

Dad you should probably stop reading also.

Ex-Wife/Friend STOP READING!!!!!!

Earlier tonight a friend "checked-in" to a Lingerie & Novelty Boutique on Facebook, after some fun teasing I started wondering do men really like lingerie? Is this something they want?

I do not wear lingerie. I have always been of the believe that is nice but why spend all that money on something you wont be wearing very long and will just end up balled up on the floor. You are going to end up naked why not start that way, save your money for more books.

But then I asked The BF what he thought and he said lingerie is sometimes nice. What!!! I had no idea. Now I feel like I am boring and frumpy.

Do I run out and buy something lacy and silky as a special treat? Does he like white and innocent? Black and naughty? Red and sultry? What about stocking and garters? See through nighties? Corsets? Cute and frilly? And lets not forget leather...leather sounds nice.

The options are endless and slightly overwhelming.

But then luckily I remembered one very important thing, The BF may like a lingerie but he really likes naked.

No need to panic, I have decided to give him my most guarded secret...my sizes and  measurements. If he would like to see me in lingerie he can buy it and I will wear it. Until then I will do what I have always done...you can not go wrong with naked.

I think I over shared, again.

And the Sex Gets...

My mom hates when I blog about sex but since a lot of what I write about is my relationship with The BF and sex is part of that relationship periodically I feel the need to express a thought or feeling about sex.

Sorry mom!

I need to share a little about my past that I may or may not have expressed before...I am not very good at relationship. I am getting better but in the past I was horrible. Really horrible at them. In fact this is the longest relationship I have ever been in.

Yup that right 2 years is my record.

Until The BF my longest relationship was 6 months!!!!!

I know you are very impressed with my ability to maintain lasting relationships.

To be honest when the going got tough, I got up and went. I had/have issues.

But now look at me 2 years and we are still together. I dont know if thats becaue I have matured or The BF really likes me.

So I was surprised to discover that the sex gets better as you progress in your relationships.

Is it because you are more in-tune with your partners needs or learn what makes them excited.

To be honest I really don't care why and I wish someone had told me before about this I may have stuck around in those other relationships longer.

Probably not like I said I had/have issues.

And the Sex Is...
And the Sex Was...
And the Sex Will...

And the Sex Will...

Well The BF and I survived the summer living together yea us. But one thing about us living together that really surprised me was that we have sex mostly on the weekends....still.

Let me explain....

When The BF and I were dating we didn't often see each other during the week. With work schedules and living in different cities it just worked out that weekends were our time to together. This meant sharing him every other weekend with the kids and it also meant that weekends were a marathon of sex. To have sex 3 times in 2.5 days. Not always easy on those weekends we had the kids but we always found a way.

I naturally assumed that living together would mean we spread the sex out over the whole week. Lets be honest neither one of his is getting younger and it was getting exhausting having sex that often in such a short time. Its a wonder we ever got anything done.

So here we have been living together 3 months and Monday-Friday its a quick kiss and a 'I love you' before one or both of us rolls over and starts snoring.  But every weekend its still party central weekend over here. No wonder by the time Sunday rolls around I am thankful so I can freaking rest.

I think its time to get the TV out of the bed room.

And the Sex Was....

This week The BF and I have had to suffer the blessing to have his 2 kids with us 24/7. This has been a real treat for this single girl. Nothing is more fun the the emotional mood swings of a 13 year old boy and the constant "Dad and MJ" from a 6 year old girl. Its been an honor.

The only issue is never being able to spend any time alone. I really believe that to keep your relationship happy and healthy you should have sex 3 times a week and I never understood why marrieds with kids have such a hard time with "getting it on" but now I get it.

And to be honest its amazing that anyone has more than 1 kid and is married for more than 5 years. Because by the time you get the kids to bed and the work done for the day you are to tired to keep your eyes open let alone anything else that may require more energy.

How do you all do it? Are you taking drugs? Is there some secret that gets passed on to you when you have kids but us poor "pseudo" step-moms never get told? Seriously I need to know!!!!!

Thank goodness we go back to our regular schedule Sunday to much more of this and I might hurt someone!!!

And the Sex is.....

Once upon a time there was a single girl named Michael who was also unemployed. One afternoon she was watching a daytime talk show as this was her habit at the time. This show had a special guest, a Dr., and the whole hour was dedicated to becoming a happier healthier person. As the girl was in a slump, unemployment will do that do you, and she so wanted to make a change the she decided to watch the show and take notes. The Dr went on about eating right and exercise and habits that happy healthy people have like wearing your seatbelt and flossing your teeth every night. The girl was fascinated and decided she would  she would spend her grocery money on the good Dr's book.

Dedicated to becoming healthier and happier the girl spent days studying the words the Dr wrote in his book. Tackling the book like a text book from college; highlighting sections, making notes in the margins, and researching additional information online. The girl vowed she would live her life as the Dr had instructed expect for one little thing.

The Dr said happy healthy people have sex 3 times a week. The girl was sad. She was single and thought the Dr was referring to couples because having sex 3 times a week with random strangers would put her health at risk and make her slutty.

Fast Forward 4 years the girl is now employed and no longer single. The girl has also forgone most of what the kind Dr told her to do she does wear her seatbelt and floss her teeth but she exercises randomly and eats out to much. But the one rule she never ignores is having sex at least 3 times a week.

The girl's BF would like to thank Oprah and Dr. Oz for giving the girl such good advice.

You Buy the Condoms, No You Buy the Condoms

Yesterday I woke up very sick. The kind of sick that makes you realise that you need to go to the Dr and get antibiotics no matter how much you hate taking antibiotics. After making the appointment I was talking to The BF and this is the conversation we had:

• The BF: Are you sure?
• Me: Sure about what.
• The BF: You need to go to the Dr and get antibiotics.
• Me: Yes I am sure  (I may have said this snarkily).
• The BF: Won't antibiotics interfere with your other medicine?
• Me: What medicine?
• The BF: Your birth control.
• Me: Thats not medicine.
• The BF: Whatever, wont it interfere with it?
• Me: Yes
• The BF: You better get condoms while your at the store.
• Me: Condoms are your responsibility.
• The BF: Its your birth control and your antibiotics.
• Me: I am not buying condoms.
• The BF: Are you embarrassed to buy them?
• Me: No. I buy the birth control pills you can buy the condoms
• The BF: Your the one who handles the birth control.
• Me: (getting very snarky) I spend $20 every month on birth control. I am not spending any more money if you want to have sex this month I suggestion you go buy some. I am sick and I don't care if we have sex at all this month.
• The BF: I hope you feel better.
• Me: I have got to go make some phone calls. Love you
• The BF: Love you too.

This conversation is brought to you by The National Organization for Dysfunctional Conversations Between Men and Women.

Sex & Coffee

I am dating an awesome guy but we don't have a lot in common. In fact I'm inclined to thing we have only 2 things in common...SEX AND COFFEE. Don't get me wrong its amazing sex and mind blowing coffee but can you have a relationship based on those 2 things?

I really think that is all we have in common after all her reads 4wheeler magazine and I read Instyle. He reads Field and Stream and I read Vogue. I cant be away from my cell phone for 2 seconds he always leaves his cell phone behind.

Can this relationship possible work out? Well we both like horror movies, our steaks med-rare, blue moon beer, Stephen King books, Deadlist Catch, Lazy Sundays...Okay maybe we have more in common than mind blowing sex and amazing coffee.