Believe it or Not!

Yesterday I told you all about how I fell while wearing a cute pair of wedges.

What I may not have fully expressed is the constant throbbing in my wrist since that fall. Or the radiating pain in my fingers, elbow and shoulder.

But since I could move all my fingers and wrist I figured I had sprained my wrist and it was no biggie...I painted, typed and went about my life despite the increasing pain.

Then today I debated should I or shouldn't I go to the Dr. I was sure it was sprained or badly bruised but was it hurting bad enough to pay a copay at the Drs office?

Then I called my mother...who told me that I should go to the Dr just in case. This is not what I wanted to hear from my mom. I called hoping she would tell me, "Stop being so damn soft," or "Stop being so silly". So I was very disappointed when she told me to go to get a x-ray.

So after debating it with her for a minute, I called the Dr's office to see if they could get me in tomorrow. But after talking to the office personal and telling them my mother told me to see a Dr they told me if I can get in there right now the Dr can see me.

So I zoom to the Drs, joke with all the staff about my mom making me go to the Dr and before I can even fill out the paper work they take me back.

While the Dr exams my hand he begins to tell me that I could have injured a little bone, the scaphoid, in my hand that is often mistaken as a sprain. He then goes into detail telling me that if this brake goes untreated you have to have surgery that may result in a bone graft. But he doesn't think its broke but to make mom feel better we decide to x-ray it just in case.

So I have x-rays and rather quickly the Dr is back in the room wanting to show me the break in my scaphoid bone.

Yup thats right its broken.

After making a quick call to tell my mom that she may have missed the ruptured appendix but she nailed the broken wrist, I am whisked to another room and they ask me what color of cast would I like.

I would like to say that I was a model patient at this point but all I could do was laugh.

Every time they wrapped the hot pink fiberglass around my wrist I laughed.

Every time the nurse smiled at me I laughed.

When the Dr said its good I listen to my mom, I laughed.

For the next two weeks I have to wear this cast then they will take it off, take more x-rays and then probably put on another cast.

Is it weird that I'm a little excited that I finally broke something and get to wear a cast?

Is it equally weird that not being able to move my thumb is causing me to have anxiety?

Live or Let Die

Its been awhile since I have written a post like this one. In fact I thought that maybe, just maybe I had changed and I was finally starting to be graceful.

Okay maybe not graceful but less clumsy. I still cut and/or burn myself when I am cooking and I often walk into walls or "bump" into the corner of my desk. But I haven't had any real injuries in awhile. 

That was until the last 24 hours....It has been a very eventful 24 hours.

Last night while walking through the local mega store, I was checking out a patio furniture display. As I turned away from the furniture I lost my footing and fell. I am pretty sure that my texting and walking while wearing a pair of slingback wedge shoes had nothing to do with me falling. When I landed I put my hand out to stop my fall . 

This however did not my stop me from falling...I know I was shocked also. What it did do was cause me to jam my wrist. I also landed on my knee and on my elbow on my other arm. The worse part was that I dropped my phone and it went in 3 different directions. Despite my injuries and being in pain, my main concern was of course my phone.

Then not 30 minutes ago I tripped over a small decorative garbage can. Once again I put my arm out to stop my fall...(why do I keep doing that it doesn't stop me from getting hurt). And I smacked my arm against the edge of the window sill. 

I have bruises every where.

Add to all of this the burst blood vessel in my eye and any day now I am expecting the casting director of The Walking Dead to call and ask me to be an extra on the show because I wont need any make up.

Some things never changes.

Attack of the Killer Pizza

I am seriously the most unfortunate girl sometimes. I am not sure why the fates have plotted against me; I have tried to be a good person. None the less they have or at least it’s the only explanation I can come up with as to why the stuff that happens to me happens to me. Because trust me the events that happened last night would not happen to anyone else but me.

Last night I received a text from my sister asking me to pick up something for dinner. Since I am cheap and tired I decided to get the $5 pepperoni pizza deal at Papa Murphy’s. I would like to say that this is not my go to dinner when I am tired and stressed but it is and I eat it once a week. And I have the cooking of a Papa Murphy’s pizza down to an art but last night something went terribly wrong.

I didn’t burn down the house or accidentally cook the cat but it was equally bizarre. Let me break it down for you…

After coming home; I unwrapped the pizza and put it in the oven (my sister had preheated the oven). After the 15 minutes I opened the oven and pulled out the oven rack but the pizza had stuck to the back of the oven. What you say? How is that possible?…hell I don’t know. But yes it was stuck to the back of the oven and since I had pulled the oven rack out the pizza started to fold in half and fall. So I tried to push the oven rack back in the oven to stop the pizza from falling but to late the pizza fell but it was also still stuck to the back of the oven.

I then tried to “unstick” the pizza and burned the top of my hand on the oven. I did manage to get the pizza lose but it is now sitting on the bottom of the oven, but at least it is right side up.

I stand there for a second trying to figure out how to get the pizza out with out further burning myself…realizing that my only option is to be very careful I reach in (I had on oven mitts) and tried to get my pizza. At this point I burn my arm on the oven racks (note to self remove racks next time pizza falls to bottom of oven).

After finally getting the pizza out I notice at some point the hot cheese on one side had slid to the middle of the pizza, I quickly mush it all back in place and pretend like nothing had happened.

I told you that it would not happen to anyone but me.

This Little Piggy Cried Wee Wee all the Way Home.

For weeks now I have been in pain. My foot hurts all the time. No matter what shoes I am or am not wearing I am in pain. It started out as a little pain, an inconvenience really but as time has gone on it hurts more and more.

At first I thought it was some bizarre exercise injury. To me this made perfect sense after all Julian Michaels is a bitch of task master even if you are just working out to her DVD. She makes you feel guilty for not going all out and working hard (which is weird because she’s not really going to know if you "phone it in”) even if your foot hurts and any task that involves jumping is shooting pain through your foot and up your leg.

Then about a week ago I notice a bruise forming around my little piggy that stayed home on my left foot. You know the kind of bruise that is black and deep. I was confused for a day or two until I remember I stubbed my toe really hard. So hard I actually sat down on the ground holding that little piggy with tears running down my cheeks.

I am not sure why it took me so long to make 2+2 = 4 but I now have that little piggy taped up between my piggy that went to market and the piggy that had roast beef. And my foot is starting to feel better.

That Grace has Returned



3yr old niece

Last night I was hanging/babysitting 2 of my very cute nieces when  Grace, my alter ego decided to pay us a visit. While we were all watching a movie the 3yr old had fallen asleep and had woken up very clingy and needy. She keep saying "I hold you I hold you." This means you get to hold her and she will cuddle you. And to be honest this is very nice and one of the best things about being an Auntie.

Soon the BF called and while we were talking my sister called and said I am on my way home will you put some dinner in the oven for me. I clicked back over to the BF and tried to put the 3yr old down but she held on to me saying "I hold you I hold you." Since I am a good Aunt I picked her up and took her with me to cook some dinner for my sis. I then threw some dinner in the oven and started the oven all while taking to the BF and holding a 3yr old. Thats when every thing went south.

Bosco

You see my sister's 100lbs black lab Bosco had decided to lay down in the middle of the kitchen floor. I turned to return food to the fridge and I stepped down on his paw. So I tried to step over him but ended up slipping on a blanket and started to fall forward. I immediately dropped the food I was holding wrapped my arms around my cute little niece and throw myself backwards so I would land on my backside and not forward. So now I am sitting in the kitchen floor my legs bend at an odd angle (not broken odd just odd) very stunned and The BF is saying "What Happened? Are you okay? Michael are you there?" I Immediately said "Honey I'm ok but I need to call you back" and then hung up on him. I guess I couldn't figure out what to do next and talk to him at the same time. Side note the BF is a really good boyfriend to not be mad that I just hung up with no explanations.

After a few seconds that felt like 10 minutes. I turned my niece around to look at her and asked if she was okay. She put her little hands on my cheeks and said "I'm okay Mikool. I am okay. Are you okay?" (Mikool is how she says my name like she has a mouth full of marbles. I really hope she always says my name like this because a Girl named Mikool sounds way more fun than a Girl named Michael). At this point the 8yr old niece runs into the kitchen "What happened" I explain "I fell. Will you please put the food in the fridge so that Bosco will not eat it." She again asks If I am okay. Still a little shaken I say I think so. "Are you getting up?" she asks. "Not just yet", I say.  I slowly put the 3yr old on her feet and stand up. At this point I am pretty sure I will be making a visit to the chiropractor but I pick the 3yr old up, hug the 8yr old and say we are missing our movie and walk back in the living room. I call the BF back and tell him what happens. He asks if I have considered walking around in bubble wrap. Yes I have many many time considered this.

Shocked, Stretched and Cracked

Recently I noticed that I'm not moving as fast as I use to and my body, especially my neck and shoulders, hurt. So I decided to go see a chiropractor. After listening to my mom and sister go on and on about their chiropractor I decided to go see him. Apparently once someone puts a degree on the wall you will let them do whatever they want no questions asked.

First after a consultation, I laid on my stomach while he ran electrical currents through my upper back. Now after 30+ years of not playing with electricity because its dangerous, I am now apparently willing to let some man I just meet hook me up to electrodes and run currents through my body. I apparently have not been listening to my mother very well all these years.

After that he hooked me up to a machine that stretched me. Yes I said stretched. I am not Elesta girl from the Incredibles. I do not stretch!!! Although to be honest at 5'1" I am willing to try anything that sounds like it will make me taller. And you would think its not a big deal after I wear 4 inch heels frequently but wholly hell that fucking machine hurt. I am moving on to the next get tall scheme I can find.

And finally I let this man I just meet crack my back. This is something that has always made me nervous. Maybe I have been watching to much TV, read to many junk emails or just listening to one to many urban legends. But I have this abnormal fear that I am going to go to a chiropractor and he will break my back trying to fix it. But I laid their calmly why he pushed twisted and pulled on me.

I'm not sure if this means I am maturing or going senile.

Call Me Grace

I do not come from the most graceful of families. In fact we are all klutzes and its amazing that we haven't died out due to our accident prone nature. One time my mom step down off a bus and twisted her ankle so bad that it was the sizes of 2 softballs. My brother once hit a parked car while riding his bike. My sister crashed through a glass door and my dad once fell and cut his head on a chain saw. So as you can see we are very accident prone.

And I always have a new bruise from walking into walls, furniture or tripping over my own feet. But the last few days have been extreme even for me. Two days ago I was moving a bookcase when not 1 but 2 shelves fell out of the book case and hit my foot. Okay so they both didn't hit my foot, one landed on my foot and the other landed on the shelf that landed on my foot. In my defense I had forgotten that this book case didn't not have shelves that attached but rather were sitting on brackets. My foot immediately started to turn purple and swell. For the last 2 days it has become deeper shades of purple and it is now painful to walk.

And then last night....I fell down my stairs. I only fell down 2 steps and was not injured I just laid on the floor laughing while my dog, Tashi, ran upstairs to get my mom. She's such a good dog.


Then while moving some boxes upstairs, I bumped into something. I am not sure if it was a shelf, drawer, box or rubber tote (mostly likely a shelf) but a few minutes later I looked down and not only was my leg scratched and bleeding but it was also turning a nice shade of purple. So I slapped a couple of band aids. Luckily I always pack the 1st aid kit last.


 Did this stop me....I bet you already know the answer is NO. I didn't not slow down for a minute. While moving a piece of furniture it started to tip and instead of letting it fall I decided in a moment of brilliance to stop it with my body. YES I SAID MY BODY!!!!! This has caused major bruising on my arm and my thigh.

At this point you would think I would call it a day. Sit back and watch TV, eat some dinner, drink a bottle of wine and relax. But apparently I was not done. Oh No!!! I decided that my already accident prone day was not complete without adding a trip to the ER. 

Tigger who is not a whiny cat was having some stress from the move and was meowing and hiding in a closet. As I bend down to comfort her I whacked my head on a shelf (are you detecting a theme). Immediately my head starting bleeding. I am all by myself with a head wound. I walked quickly and a bit dazed to the bathroom to see how bad I was cut.

At this point I started crying knowing I need to go to the hospital but knowing I couldn't drive. So I did what any girl would do I called my MOMMY to come and get me. Who after loading me in the truck started laughing at me...WTF!!!!! I'm bleeding and she is laughing. Ever time she looked at me she would laugh, I'm pretty sure she pointed at me and laughed at some point.

I was holding a bloody wash rag to my forehead on my way to the Emergency Room and my mother is laughing at me. Soon after arriving at the ER I started to go into shock(Im a bit dramatic) because I started to get sick and the nurse ended up putting me on oxygen.

I ended up not getting stitches (although I was pretty sure my mom was going to start arguing with the Dr. about that). The wound was already closing so it was decided to put some Dermbond and steri strips on my forehead and a tetanus shot in my arm.

It has been suggested that I move into a bubble, I think a better idea is wrapping me in bubble wrap. I have bruises from my forehead down to the top of my foot. An intervention may be necessary.