My Eulogy

If I was to write my own eulogy it would probably go something like this...

A Girl Named Michael died tragically today in a freak accident, she was crushed by a bookshelf that she had overloaded with books.

Michael was born in a small Idaho town, for 18 months her life was perfect and then her parents brought home one of several siblings. She then spent the rest of her life bossing her siblings, parents, coworkers and random strangers around. She could often be heard saying, "I told you I was right."

For years she lived an unsettled slightly vagabond life never really satisfied with what was going on, until she moved back to her small town. She loved being close to her nieces and nephews so much she decided that living in the small town was acceptable.

She meet her life partner The BF through his ex-wife, she could often be heard giggling about having the best how we meet story in the world. She took great pains trying to be a good and off beat "pseudo" step-mom...she really succeeded in the off beat part, the good part is subjective.

She is survived by her beloved dog Tashi, cat Tigger and a bunch of family. Actually a lot of family, more family then one girl should have and it would take to long to mention them all. But she loved them almost as much as the dog and cat.

She leaves behind a closet full of unfinished projects, more scarves then one person should own and a legacy of klutziness.

Family Photos...Am I Making This to Hard

This spring I am finally getting family pictures done. And I am being a little crazy about it. 

I don't want some stuffy formal picture because that is just not us. While the "pseudo" stepdaughter and I are very fashion forward we are all casual and to be honest a little goofy. So trying to figure out posses and location that fit us is not as easy as it should be. 

My photographer (my friend who takes awesome pictures) is very familiar with location in my home town (where I work) that are great but we live in in the town on the other side of the mountain. So where do we take the pictures.

Me, Tashi and Thomas the fish.

Then there are the outfits I briefly thought I will let everyone pick out their own clothes but immediately nixed that because they dont read fashion magazines. I want them to be casual but stylish and they also need to embrace individual personalities but still work together. So do we do a color theme...I cant imagine "pseudo" stepson or The BF wearing a lot of color. I was thinking a a more neutral scheme like black and gray with "pseudo" stepdaughter and I wearing a pop of color but I don't want to "out shine" the guys...they are important members of the family. 

Of course now I am wondering do we include the animals?

This was easier when it was just me, Tashi and the fish Thomas. Which was the last family picture I had taken. which was 9.5 years ago. I had a friend come over and we had our "photo shoot" in my living room...we took over 30 pictures. We even had to change the film (do you remember film?). Its possible there was alcohol involved, there often was in those days. I can't remember why i decided to have the picture taken I am pretty sure I was being a smart ass but no one realized it and they all wanted a picture. Most of my relatives have this picture some where in their house...or they use to anyway. One of my now 10 year old nieces then 2 year old niece use to point at it and say Tashi...she still likes the dog more than me.

Wish me luck and maybe pray that The BF doesnt leave me after all this.

I Am Not Really Your Mother!!!

As you may have read I don't have kids. I have 2 "pseudo" step-kids and I have adopted a dog and a cat but technically I am no ones mom.

There are many reasons why this is the choice I have made but the number one reason is I don't want to clean up poo. Its gross. Even on a sweet little newborn baby or a little tiny puppy or kitty its icky. And for the most part I don't ever have to clean up poo. I pay my "pseudo" step-son to clean up after my dog and my "pseudo" step-daughter to clean up after the cat. And when I was with my nieces I would only change poopy diapers if NO one else was around.

Keeping this all in mind let me tell you what happened yesterday.

Every day I take my dog to my sisters house while I am at work. After loading the dog up and getting on my way I started to smell something rather gross. To be honest it was horrible and almost gag worth. At first I thought it was the many diary farms that are close to my house. Nothing smells as unpleasant as a diary farm on a hot windy summer day. YUK.

But nope that's not it and luckily at this time I realized I forgot my coffee and not being a girl who can survive with out coffee I went back home. I decided to check and see if my beautiful Tashi had stepped in some dog poo. And no she hadn't stepped in dog poo...she had laid down in some dog poo and it was all over her side.

I immediately dragged her out of the car to get a better look at her and the backseat of my car. Thank goodness none was on my car unfortunately it was all over Tashi.

Not having time to clean her off (and to be honest trying not to gag) I put her in the kennel with The BF's dogs because I am not so bad as to take her to my sisters covered in dog poo. And off to work I go.

Knowing that I cant lock a poo covered baby up in the kennel is why I religiously take my birth control pills.

My Baby is 8 Years Old



A few weeks after I brought her home

Today is my puppy's birthday! She is 8 years old today. Is it weird that I call my 97 lbs. rottweiler a puppy? I don't care if it is, she's my puppy.



No bone, shoes or bra are save with Tashi around.



My Uncle and Aunt use to breed rottweilers. And they gave me the pick of the litter. However, I didn't pick Tashi she picked me. At 4 weeks she came up to me started loving on me. From that moment on she was my puppy.

Look at that cute little puppy face!!!1

Tashi and I have been inseparable ever since she came to live with me at 9 weeks old. I would even take her to work with me. Some times I still do.



Tashi at 6 years old





Now she is getting old! She is slower than she use to be and has a hard time walking up stairs but no one is happier to see me when I get home than she is

She is a very sweet dog that likes any body who visits except men in uniforms. I'm not sure why!



Guarding presents



Tashi beliefs she deserves a pillow for her head and if she cant find one she will use anything she can find as a pillow including Christmas gifts. 

Enjoying the fresh powder!!!

 

She also loves the snow. As a puppy she would prance through the snow like a deer.

Sleeping on my nieces bed...naughty puppy!!!

"She doesn't understand she is not allowed on the beds", my niece tells me. I don't believe that she only gets on the beds when she knows I am not around.

My teddy bear

But to me she will always be the tiny little puppy I first brought home.

 

Dead Dogs Running!!!



Bosco: Doesn't he look innocent?



Way back in November we had a huge snow storm that required me to have to go out in the morning to warm up my car and scrape/brush all the snow of my little red car. Being stretched for time I thought I will let the dogs out while I am brushing off the car. Since I had recently retrieved my only practical shoes from my moms house I very practically put them on to keep my feet dry and warm. Now these boots didn't look very good with my "ski lodge" sweater (just a little side note here: I happen to think I look AMAZING in sweaters. I believe this in part is why I live somewhere that's cold. For 9 months a year I can wear very cute sweaters, jeans and boots with a 3 inch heel and look like I am vacationing in Aspen Colorado) or the very cute jeans I had on but as I said I was being practical.

Tashi: Isn't she sweet when she is sleeping?

The dogs were having fun running and jumping in the snow, which was making me smile. Not 2 seconds after I was thinking what a great idea and at least the dogs are having fun. My dog Tashi took off into the neighbors yard followed by my sisters dog Bosco. So I go after them tromping in these practical shoes that are actually a bit awkward to run in. As the little shits keep going into another neighbors yard and then across the street I follow calling for them (OK I may have been yelling at then and saying all sorts of bad words that would make the most seasoned sailor blush). The assholes finally stop at a neighbors yard that also has a dog out in the yard to what I can only assume is the dog equivalent of gossiping with the neighbors and comparing who has the better humans..."OH Yea well my human can beat up your human." Jumping on this opportunity I hurry across the street but not being used to the big heavy boots (I think I could have done this in heels) I lose my footing and twist my knee. Knowing I cant stop or I will be chasing dogs all morning I keep going until I can grab the dogs and yell at them all the way home. Once home and the dogs safely locked up I sit in my car and take stock of my injury. I can tell my knee is already swelling I dig around in my purse and dry swallow a couple Ibuprofen and go to work. By the time I get to work I can barely walk into work because my knee hurts.



Tigger: Don't you want to pet her?

One morning in December as I stumble through my house blindly trying not to step on the never ending toys that amazingly find their way out of my nieces' bedroom and into the hallway I stepped on what turned out to be Tigger's tale. You see unlike other cats that ignore humans until they want something Tigger thinks she is a dog 50% of the time and is often under food like a dog. Don't get me wrong she will sit on the banister and swat you with her claws as you wake by and jump on your book while you are trying to read so you will pay attention to her but the rest of the time she acts like a dog. Including getting in to the garbage, drinking out of the toilet and running to greet you at the door when you get home. This morning immediately after I stepped on her tale and hear a loud annoyed meow and my ankles get attacked due to my assault. I step back and end up stepping on some random toy and fall hurting my knee again. I am not sure how I did this but it was soon swelled up and throbbing AGAIN

Now none of this is new news or even a strange series of events. If you have read my blog at all (Call Me Grace, That Bitch Grace has Returned) you know I am not graceful  and that I routinely brake stuff (My BF is Macgyvers Long Lost Son). The reason I am telling you this is because my mom had decided to workout again after a 40 year hiatus from working out. Yes 40 years!!! The last time she worked out was her sophomore year in high school  which was 1970. I am very excited and very proud but she needs a partner to keep her motivated and guess who is her partner!!!! That's right me. I am not complaining and I am actually happy to help out because it will keep me working out. The problem is after spending 15 minutes on the elliptical my knee is killing me. Lets pray that I keep going.