Family Photos...Am I Making This to Hard

This spring I am finally getting family pictures done. And I am being a little crazy about it. 

I don't want some stuffy formal picture because that is just not us. While the "pseudo" stepdaughter and I are very fashion forward we are all casual and to be honest a little goofy. So trying to figure out posses and location that fit us is not as easy as it should be. 

My photographer (my friend who takes awesome pictures) is very familiar with location in my home town (where I work) that are great but we live in in the town on the other side of the mountain. So where do we take the pictures.

Me, Tashi and Thomas the fish.

Then there are the outfits I briefly thought I will let everyone pick out their own clothes but immediately nixed that because they dont read fashion magazines. I want them to be casual but stylish and they also need to embrace individual personalities but still work together. So do we do a color theme...I cant imagine "pseudo" stepson or The BF wearing a lot of color. I was thinking a a more neutral scheme like black and gray with "pseudo" stepdaughter and I wearing a pop of color but I don't want to "out shine" the guys...they are important members of the family. 

Of course now I am wondering do we include the animals?

This was easier when it was just me, Tashi and the fish Thomas. Which was the last family picture I had taken. which was 9.5 years ago. I had a friend come over and we had our "photo shoot" in my living room...we took over 30 pictures. We even had to change the film (do you remember film?). Its possible there was alcohol involved, there often was in those days. I can't remember why i decided to have the picture taken I am pretty sure I was being a smart ass but no one realized it and they all wanted a picture. Most of my relatives have this picture some where in their house...or they use to anyway. One of my now 10 year old nieces then 2 year old niece use to point at it and say Tashi...she still likes the dog more than me.

Wish me luck and maybe pray that The BF doesnt leave me after all this.

Damn that Grace or A Day in The Life of Me: Part 1

This morning did not start out great....I woke up about 2AM with a headache so I crawled out of bed in hopes on finding some aspirin, on my way back I stepped over one of our many dogs but just as I was in the clear the dog lifted his head up and I whacked me toe on his head!!!! Talking about hurting, the dog was fine (I am not even sure which one it was) but my foot was killing me. It is the same foot that has the hurt toe that I may or may not have broken.

After going back to bed and sleeping a few more hours I drag myself out of bed to officially start my day. I know I have mentioned I have a dog or three and they are always very excited to get up in the morning. You see because we have 3 VERY large dogs for our sanity we keep them locked up in the bedroom at night. So after I got up and washed my face it was time to take the dogs out. 

Now I an very careful when I do this...it can be dangerous when three 70-100 lbs dogs are running down the stairs. Its like a mini stampede!!!! So I let the dogs run down the stairs and I follow them when I get almost all the way down, with only 3 little stairs left, with no explanation I fall down the stairs. Landing at the bottom!!!

Yup that's right I fell down my stairs and to make matters worse all three dogs run to me and start licking my face....talk about oh so very GROSS!!!!!

But wait it doesn't end there later this morning I was walking up the stairs and I tripped going up them almost landing on my face in the process. On my way down, in an attempt to stop the inevitable, I slammed into the wall hitting the light switch. I have no doubt by tonight I will have a new bruise from the switch and I am not 100% sure I didn't break the switch. (Don't tell The BF about that....I am planning on playing dumb if it is broken.)

I really thought I was getting better at being graceful... don't get me wrong I always have a new bruise from furniture I walk into or burns from cooking or cuts from preparing to cook or walls that I swear move but I really thought the worst of it was over.....Guess not.

I should go dig out the bubble wrap again.

Take me to Your Leader

Puppy jail!!!!

As I explained last week something bizarre happened that some people (The BF, my mom and some friends) were trying to pass off as paranormal activity. But I don't believe in ghosts or the paranormal. Don't get me wrong I love the movies but I don't believe a ghost is hanging out in my bedroom.

But it was very weird what happened and we couldn't explain it no matter how hard we tried. Our dogs are awesome and mostly smart but they are not smart enough to pull off this stunt. And for it to be an accident just seemed to weird.

Tiggers new favorite hang out

But the other day I walked into the bedroom and saw Tigger the cat (of Figger if you talk to my nieces...get it Fat Tigger) laying on my clean clothes.

Now I understand what happened. Tigger wanted to sleep in a cave like structure but at the same time sleep on my clean clothes. Not being big enough herself to do any damage, she rallied the dogs to break my drawer so she can have a place to lay.

I am still not sure how they did it but I am sure that she was behind the whole thing. I can tell by her smug self satisfied attitude.

I'm considering putting cameras in the bedroom so I can monitor their every move but I worry the other stuff that happens in that room will end up on a porn site.

We Are NOT Calling Ghostbusters

It has been a awhile since I have broken anything well at least anything important. Its not because I am all the sudden graceful. In fact I have routinely burned, bruised and cut myself walking around in this world. One night I did all 3 cooking dinner.

Look at this damage

And nothing really odd has happened to me recently until the other night. I'm not sure what even happened but I know the end result. And I am not happy about the results.

About 3AM, while everyone was sound asleep, there was a loud noise that woke The BF and I up. I sit up, turned the light on and looked around. I didn't notice anything except all the dogs were up and looking at me. The BF asked whats going on I say I don't know the dogs are being weird and we turn the light off and go back to bed.

The next morning when The BF was getting ready for work and I was sleeping (he has to be to work 4 hours before I do) asks what happened to your dresser. I sit up and squint (I am practically blind without my glasses/contacts) at it and one side has been pushed away from the wall. I look at The BF and say I don't know its probably one of the dogs they squeezed behind it and pushed it out.

No The BF says what happened to your drawer. I drag myself back into a sitting position and look at my dresser again. After a few seconds (I am never at my best that early) I realize that I can see my clothes. I am a fanatic about closing drawers and cabinets. So the fact that I could see my clothes was all wrong.

He is so handy

Slowly I realize my dresser is broken. The front part of my dresser drawer is completely missing. WTH!!!!! How does that even happen? But not being my best I say stupid dogs lay down and go back to sleep.

But when I woke up I see the damage and I am shocked. Not because its an expensive dresser or anything. It was actually free. But its my only dresser and its broken. And now I am mad at the dogs.

That night The BF takes a look and starts trying to figure out how to fix it until I can buy I new one.

Of course the big question is how did the dogs do this? The BF keeps commenting maybe it was a ghost. Trust me honey it wasn't a ghost it would be the three monsters we call dogs.

I don't know what they did but I know they did it.

I Am Not Really Your Mother!!!

As you may have read I don't have kids. I have 2 "pseudo" step-kids and I have adopted a dog and a cat but technically I am no ones mom.

There are many reasons why this is the choice I have made but the number one reason is I don't want to clean up poo. Its gross. Even on a sweet little newborn baby or a little tiny puppy or kitty its icky. And for the most part I don't ever have to clean up poo. I pay my "pseudo" step-son to clean up after my dog and my "pseudo" step-daughter to clean up after the cat. And when I was with my nieces I would only change poopy diapers if NO one else was around.

Keeping this all in mind let me tell you what happened yesterday.

Every day I take my dog to my sisters house while I am at work. After loading the dog up and getting on my way I started to smell something rather gross. To be honest it was horrible and almost gag worth. At first I thought it was the many diary farms that are close to my house. Nothing smells as unpleasant as a diary farm on a hot windy summer day. YUK.

But nope that's not it and luckily at this time I realized I forgot my coffee and not being a girl who can survive with out coffee I went back home. I decided to check and see if my beautiful Tashi had stepped in some dog poo. And no she hadn't stepped in dog poo...she had laid down in some dog poo and it was all over her side.

I immediately dragged her out of the car to get a better look at her and the backseat of my car. Thank goodness none was on my car unfortunately it was all over Tashi.

Not having time to clean her off (and to be honest trying not to gag) I put her in the kennel with The BF's dogs because I am not so bad as to take her to my sisters covered in dog poo. And off to work I go.

Knowing that I cant lock a poo covered baby up in the kennel is why I religiously take my birth control pills.

Have you Ever Tried to Sneeze with your Eyes Open?

Today as I was driving home I was reminded of one of the things I would change about myself if I had a magic wand. And I would need a magic wand because its not one of those things I could changes without one. Its not like wishing I didn't waste so much time online or that I would exercise more. Its one of those things that not even my beautician or a plastic surgeon could fix.

If I could I would change how I sneeze so that I was one of those girls who sneeze quietly and daintily. You know the girls, the ones who barely even sneeze. Their faces get all scrunched up and all you get is a little tiny achoo and they have no need to sneeze again for 6 months. I am not that girl I am the girl who has the full body balls to the wall AAACHOOO!!! And I don't do this once but usually 3 times in a room.  And yes while I was driving I was remind why I want to be one of those girls.

As I was on my way home from work, driving through the treacherous canyon, I notice a highway patrol car behind. I check me speed I am at a respectable 2-3 miles over the speed limit. I scan for my cell phone safely out of sight and hearing in my purse (this is to avoid reading messages). Check my hands they are at 10 and 2, okay more like 730 and on the gear shift but I am doing good when the unavoidable happens. I sneeze.

And because I sneeze like a grown-up and not my cat and I drive a cute but light weight car, it jerks when I sneeze.

AAACHOOO...Did they officer just speed up to better read my plates.

AAACHOOO...Is he typing my plate number into his computer. I would like to pause for a moment and ask how is this any different than texting and driving, which is illegal in the state of Utah? I think its a car accident waiting to happen.

AAACHOOO...Office is now speaking into his walkie/talkie thing to run a check on me probably becuse his computer was to slow.

AAACHOOO...That's right I got a bonus sneeze tonight. And I am now trying to remember if I have current proof of insurance in my car. I really hope I do because if I get pulled over its going to go something like this...

No officer I have not been drinking I just got off work as a domestic violence victim advocate (yea Im disclosing that up front I need a pass).

No really I sneezed

Yes 4 times in a row, I have allergies

No I don't mind doing a field sobriety test but I cant walk a straight line in my bare feet. You can call my sister she's a police officer too (hell ya if necessary I will name drop) and will explain my wobbly nature.

Please ignore the angry rottweiler in the backseat trying to get out of my car. She doesn't like strange men and especially strange men in uniforms, especially if those men in uniforms are police officers or the mailman. Another pause how do dogs know they are uniforms? Seriously would she react this way if my sister and were dressed identical?

Luckily despite my prepared response the highway patrol passed me by without pulling me over.

Little Things that Work

Yesterday was not my day. By the time I made it home I was grumpy, tired and fed up with everyone and everything.

What went wrong:

• Slept late
• Broke my flat iron
• Dogs would not obey
• Cat was hiding
• Kids were slow
• Out of coffee
• Forgot to put dinner in the crock-pot
• Pulled over for speeding
• Bad allergies
• Had a headache

What went right:

• Police Officer gave me a warning instead of a ticket
• Ran into a co-worker in the liquor store
• Laughed with co-worker in liquor store
• Wine with dinner

It always amazes me that no matter how bad your day is a few little things make it a good day.

Who Let the Dogs Out?

My morning usually follow a pattern of hitting the snooze button, getting up, begging my niece to get up, getting ready for work and getting my niece ready for school. With the exception of an 8 year old melt down (which I always tweet about) and me not knowing what to wear our morning rarely change. Today was one of those rare days.

Every morning my niece takes the dogs out but this morning another dog came by the house and the dogs went to say"hi". After some begging Baylei got my dog back in the house but my sister's dog decided to go for a walk/run. Now this dog is about 50lbs over weight and has a bad knee but when he decides to run he runs!!!! My niece ran upstairs to tell me Bosco ran off.

Luckily I was partially dressed and my hair was done. So I grab my car keys and start driving around the neighborhood. After about 10 minutes of going to his usual spots: the church, the park, the canal but he is no where, I decide to drive back to the house. Then I see a big dog on the corner but as I get closer I realize its Tashi not Bosco...WTH!!!! Tashi was safely in the house!!! How did she get out???? I pull up and open the car door and in jumps Tashi. I turn around to drive her home and Tigger is also out of the house. Seriously? I don’t even have makeup on yet and now all the animals are out and running around the neighborhood.

I quickly walk through the house discover the front door is open (Baylei didn’t close it all the way). I lock up and make sure Tashi and Tigger are safe then go back to looking for my sister's dumb dog. After 10 more minutes I tell Baylei we have to stop we are going to be late for school/work. She was so sad I decided to take a round about way home and what do I see running through people’s yards peeing on their flowers....yup Bosco. I pull the car over open the door and Bosco "attempts" to get in my car but he is so fat he can’t make it and I have to lift him up.

Sometimes you just have to laugh and acknowledge that your life is never going to be "normal". Otherwise you would go crazy.

My Baby is 8 Years Old



A few weeks after I brought her home

Today is my puppy's birthday! She is 8 years old today. Is it weird that I call my 97 lbs. rottweiler a puppy? I don't care if it is, she's my puppy.



No bone, shoes or bra are save with Tashi around.



My Uncle and Aunt use to breed rottweilers. And they gave me the pick of the litter. However, I didn't pick Tashi she picked me. At 4 weeks she came up to me started loving on me. From that moment on she was my puppy.

Look at that cute little puppy face!!!1

Tashi and I have been inseparable ever since she came to live with me at 9 weeks old. I would even take her to work with me. Some times I still do.



Tashi at 6 years old





Now she is getting old! She is slower than she use to be and has a hard time walking up stairs but no one is happier to see me when I get home than she is

She is a very sweet dog that likes any body who visits except men in uniforms. I'm not sure why!



Guarding presents



Tashi beliefs she deserves a pillow for her head and if she cant find one she will use anything she can find as a pillow including Christmas gifts. 

Enjoying the fresh powder!!!

 

She also loves the snow. As a puppy she would prance through the snow like a deer.

Sleeping on my nieces bed...naughty puppy!!!

"She doesn't understand she is not allowed on the beds", my niece tells me. I don't believe that she only gets on the beds when she knows I am not around.

My teddy bear

But to me she will always be the tiny little puppy I first brought home.

 

Oh What to Wear

Today started off as an other Wednesday does. Baylei and I getting ready as usual. She told me she didn't want to go to school...I told her I don't want to go t work. What we mean is we don't want to get up.

We did our hair, Baylei got dressed, I put on make-up, Baylei took the dogs out, I got dressed. And as we are heading out the door I got the feelings something wasn't right. I had forgotten to do something important.

So I stood in the kitchen going over everything.

• Gave Baylei her medicine. Check.
• Feed the dogs. Check.
• Put Bosco in the kennel. Check.
• Brushed teeth. Check.
• Contacts in. Check.

Then it dawns on me what I forgot. I'm not wearing any underwear!!!!! Seriously I was so busy and so distracted that I forgot to put on underwear.

I think its time for a vacation.

I Performed the Heimlich Maneuver on a Dog!!!

Last night I performed the Heimlich maneuver on my sisters 100lbs black lab Bosco. I am not sure how I knew how to perform this life saving maneuver on a dog but I did. It’s most likely the fact that I am required by the State of Utah to be certified in CPR and First Aid to do my job. And that every year for the last 3 years I have gone through the training. And its not even the first time I have used these life saving techniques.

About a year ago I performed CPR (just the chest compressions cause mouth to mouth is gross) on my neighbor when he went into heart failure. I know, I know I am amazing don’t you wish you lived next door to me just in case. Of course this neighbor’s son was also running a meth lab out of the house and it has now been condemned and I have moved. And some nights I wake up in a cold sweat thinking I was in a meth house and I am going to die from some rare form of cancer now. So if you lived next door to me I would probably let you die and now your glad you aren’t my neighbor.




Bosco!!!!



So last night I am in my room talking to The BF on the phone when my sister yelled at me to come to her room. My casual in a minute was answered with a now and hurry. So I went in her room and she said something is wrong with Bosco. I looked at him on the floor and it was obvious he was in some form of distress. At first I thought he just could not stand after all he weighs 100lbs and has bad knees but it quickly became apparent that was not his problem.

I get down on the floor and start talking to him. Unfortunately he has not mastered the art of conversation and he started to drool profusely and was struggling to breath. I started to panic but was trying to be calm because my very tough brave sister was already panicking and my 8 year old niece was getting more and more upset. At this point poor Bosco is really fighting to breathe, my sister is now on the floor with me trying to call the vet, and my niece was ordered out of the room so she wouldn’t have to see her pet die.

I would like to take a moment to share the very rapid thoughts that went through my head at this time:

1. STAY CALM!!!!
2. Dont panic.
3. There is no way we are getting this dog to the vet in time before he dies.
4. How are we going to carry him down the stairs and into the car.
5. Seriously STAY FREAKING CALM!!!!
6. THINK OF SOMETHING TO DO!!!
7. You big dumb dog this is what happens when you get in the garbage.
8. PLEAE DONT DIE!!!
9. Its going to be a pain to bury him in the back yard.
10. We are going to have to dig one BIG hole.

By this time Bosco had rolled over on his side and his eyes where rolling back into his head and I decided he was chocking on something so I did what any other person would do…. I stood over Bosco with one leg on each side of his massive body, picked up the upper half of his body, guessed about where to place my hands, then pushed in and up just like I would on a person. I did this 3 times then checked his breathing. He appeared to still be struggling so I picked him up and did it 3 more times. Finally poor dumb Bosco started breathing and after a few minutes he was up walking around.

This whole scenario only took a few minutes but it was long enough to scare all of us straight. Bosco, who ignores me normally when my sister is home, spend part of the night sleeping on my bedroom floor. I think this is his way of saying "Dude thanks". Of course this is what I need in my life....another 100lbs dog following me every where I go.

It Was a Dog as Big as My Car..I Swear!!!

No its not Betsy Lou but this is what she looks like!

I drive a Red Chevy Aveo, that I like to call Betsy Lou. Betsy Lou is often abused, neglected and left out in the elements but she is no less loved. She often has forgotten school papers, candy and food wrappers in her. You can honestly say she has junk in her trunk.  Betsy Lou is often in need of a bath and someone to clean out all the garbage. There is always dog hair on her back seat and sticky fingerprints on the windows.


But Betsy Lou is much loved. She is reliable, depndable and all the things a car should be but she is also has some traits that I find especially remarkable.

1. Gas Mileage. I average 35 MPG. I could get any better unless I bought a hybrid .
2. Its red....I look good in red so driving a red car means I always look good.
3. I can see over the top of my car. At 5 foot 1 inches this is really amazing to me.
4. Its low to the ground. I don't have to climb to get into my car.
5. Its small. Its rare anyone wants me to drive them around or borrow my car because its so small.

And last night I almost wrecked my car.  Your reaction to me almost wrecking a car will depend on a few things 1. How long you have know me and 2. How well you know me. For example If you only know me from my blog you will say, "OMG are you okay? What happened?" My family would say  'That's a 1st you didn't wreck a car." 


See how mean my family is!!!


In fact I have only wrecked 1 or 2 cars!!!


OKAY OKAY I have had 3 cars wrecked in my life. But that doesn't mean I am a bad driver...It means I have had bad car karma. And one of those cars was parked in front of my house and I was out of town so I am not sure how you can count that one.


And just because I have been in 1 or 2 car accidents doesn't mean anything


Okay so I have been in 8 car accidents.


I would recount all of the wrecks one by one but they all blend together into 1 giant mass of  PTSD...so lets move forward to last night. When I almost wrecked my beautiful little red shoe box of a car.


I was driving home from work when I notice out of the corner of my eye some very large black dog running through the parking lot of one of the many empty building in my small town. Having a premontion of some kind I starting slowing down my car when said monster dog darts in front of my car causing me to slam on my brakes but I still came within inches of hitting this substantially sized dog. The dog then stopped and looked at me over the hood of my car as if he was saying watch it lady. The dog then ran off across the street stopping traffic in all 5 lanes. Me on the other hand...I was very upset. I keep having flashes of my poor red car being damaged beyond repair. And I relived every car wreck, one right after another.

I immediately got home and texted everyone I know. Here is a sampling of the reactions from friends and family.


BF: good hell slow down
Penny: Well at least you didn't! thats scary. I almost hit a cat the other day
Step-dad: Careful
Sister #2: No bueno. Me and bay are at a japanese restaurant. I am gonna make her try sushi
Karrie: scary


Notice not one of my friends or family asked if I was okay or did I need to talk. Or asked what happened? And some even assumed I had some roll in this abnormally large dog roaming the streets with no colar. In this one instant I was completely innocent of all wrong doing. Lets not discuss why I was clear across town far from home driving a route that was not technically the way to my house from the office. Because that doesnt matter!!!!

Dead Dogs Running!!!



Bosco: Doesn't he look innocent?



Way back in November we had a huge snow storm that required me to have to go out in the morning to warm up my car and scrape/brush all the snow of my little red car. Being stretched for time I thought I will let the dogs out while I am brushing off the car. Since I had recently retrieved my only practical shoes from my moms house I very practically put them on to keep my feet dry and warm. Now these boots didn't look very good with my "ski lodge" sweater (just a little side note here: I happen to think I look AMAZING in sweaters. I believe this in part is why I live somewhere that's cold. For 9 months a year I can wear very cute sweaters, jeans and boots with a 3 inch heel and look like I am vacationing in Aspen Colorado) or the very cute jeans I had on but as I said I was being practical.

Tashi: Isn't she sweet when she is sleeping?

The dogs were having fun running and jumping in the snow, which was making me smile. Not 2 seconds after I was thinking what a great idea and at least the dogs are having fun. My dog Tashi took off into the neighbors yard followed by my sisters dog Bosco. So I go after them tromping in these practical shoes that are actually a bit awkward to run in. As the little shits keep going into another neighbors yard and then across the street I follow calling for them (OK I may have been yelling at then and saying all sorts of bad words that would make the most seasoned sailor blush). The assholes finally stop at a neighbors yard that also has a dog out in the yard to what I can only assume is the dog equivalent of gossiping with the neighbors and comparing who has the better humans..."OH Yea well my human can beat up your human." Jumping on this opportunity I hurry across the street but not being used to the big heavy boots (I think I could have done this in heels) I lose my footing and twist my knee. Knowing I cant stop or I will be chasing dogs all morning I keep going until I can grab the dogs and yell at them all the way home. Once home and the dogs safely locked up I sit in my car and take stock of my injury. I can tell my knee is already swelling I dig around in my purse and dry swallow a couple Ibuprofen and go to work. By the time I get to work I can barely walk into work because my knee hurts.



Tigger: Don't you want to pet her?

One morning in December as I stumble through my house blindly trying not to step on the never ending toys that amazingly find their way out of my nieces' bedroom and into the hallway I stepped on what turned out to be Tigger's tale. You see unlike other cats that ignore humans until they want something Tigger thinks she is a dog 50% of the time and is often under food like a dog. Don't get me wrong she will sit on the banister and swat you with her claws as you wake by and jump on your book while you are trying to read so you will pay attention to her but the rest of the time she acts like a dog. Including getting in to the garbage, drinking out of the toilet and running to greet you at the door when you get home. This morning immediately after I stepped on her tale and hear a loud annoyed meow and my ankles get attacked due to my assault. I step back and end up stepping on some random toy and fall hurting my knee again. I am not sure how I did this but it was soon swelled up and throbbing AGAIN

Now none of this is new news or even a strange series of events. If you have read my blog at all (Call Me Grace, That Bitch Grace has Returned) you know I am not graceful  and that I routinely brake stuff (My BF is Macgyvers Long Lost Son). The reason I am telling you this is because my mom had decided to workout again after a 40 year hiatus from working out. Yes 40 years!!! The last time she worked out was her sophomore year in high school  which was 1970. I am very excited and very proud but she needs a partner to keep her motivated and guess who is her partner!!!! That's right me. I am not complaining and I am actually happy to help out because it will keep me working out. The problem is after spending 15 minutes on the elliptical my knee is killing me. Lets pray that I keep going.





Campfires & Dirt & Nature...Oh My

Last weekend my boyfriend took me camping.

I am not a girl who like to camp the last time I went camping was 8+ years ago. No matter how long I don't like to camp but being a good girlfriend and realizing that The BF does a lot of things with me he doesn't always like, I went camping but only over night. And belief it or not I went with a good attitude.

The night before as I was standing in bed of the truck helping load things for the trip my BF asked what I would like to eat camping. I really didn't care so I said "I don't care honey whatever you want to cook." I thought I was being easy and agreeable apparently by saying whatever you what I was being difficult. So still trying to be agreeable I said "Steaks?" This got an immediate rejection. So I asked "What did you have when you took the kids camping?" (Have I mentioned he has 2 very cute kids who like me as much as I like them and the week before he took them camping?) He said Hamburger and Hot Dogs. I stated that sounds easy lets eat that. He said NO!!!!

Now I am getting frustrated and suggest chicken. No again. I yell (a bit dramatic but hey I can be that girl often) I am not eating pork chops and start having visions of stuffing his cold dead body in a sleeping bag and dropping it in a ravine. After much negations and eye rolling on both our parts we settle on chicken!!!! I spent the rest of the evening wondering if this overnight trip will be the end of us and I'm sure he spent the rest of the evening wondering why he is dating me.

The next morning after a late start we start on our ill fated adventure. After driving for 45 minutes he turns off on what some people might consider a road but I thought was a deer trail. We drive along this path for what seemed forever but may have only been 15 minutes until the BF finds a spot the so remote the coyotes don't even know it exists. At this point The BF then proceeds to cut down some shrubs and create our campsite. Up to this point in our relationship I thought I was dating an outdoorsy guy, I didn't realise that he was a direct descendant of Grizzly Adams

After setting up the tent and yes I helped... it was decided we need to go on a walk (not by me of course). At which point The BF starts loading the guns he brought along. Yes guns as in more than 1 gun. Two to be exact. I innocently ask why he is taking guns on our walk to which he replies so WE can shoot them.

WTF. Is he nuts? I regularly burn and cut myself when I cook and now he wants to give me a weapon. I explain that the last "gun" I "shoot" was a water gun and that was so long ago I cant even remember it. He ignores me and hands me a rifle explaining to me the proper way to carry.

So we set off on this hike that is going to end with one of us killing the other for sure...after walking on the so called trail we leave the path (again not my idea) and start hiking up a hill. I have not worn proper shoes since I started buying my own so now I'm carrying a gun up a hill in flip flops at one point I carefully explain honey I am done walking and sit on a log after checking for dirt and bugs. The BF starts shooting at squirrels and trees. I ask why are we trying to kill squirrels and trees...target practice I am told. Target parctice, really?

At this point I start to wonder outloud what did the trees ever do to us. I have nothing against these trees why do I want to shoot them. For this I get a dirty look. I am all for killing squirrels they are covered in germs and rather noisy. After sitting patiently for about 3 minutes I am bored and want to take a nap. Since I have nothing else to do I start asking a multitude of mindless questions just to annoy the BF so we can leave.

It doesn't even phase him he keeps shooting and I keep sitting. After awhile I decide I want to shoot this gun so I can leave...so I ask how does this thing work!!!! The BF rather impatiently shows me how to aim and to "squeeze" the trigger. Is there truly a difference between pulling the trigger and squeezing the trigger? After firing off a few rounds and realizing I'm a freaking natural and I'm hitting my target (poor tree), The BF starts picking targets for me and I'm either hitting them or coming close. Which I think is good for my 1st time.

So I now I am hungry and thirsty so we go back to the camp site to eat and drink beer. And spend a pleasant evening in front of the campfire. Then comes bed time when I realize I will be sleeping in the tent with my BF and his 2 dogs and my 1 dog. This was not well thought out. I don't like sleeping on the ground and really dont like sleeping with the dogs on the bed or sleeeping bag in this case.

After tossing and turning the BF wakes me up in the morning to freashly brewed coffee and a breathtaking view. This makes camping worth it. And based on this 1 hour I might go camping again. However Im not sure my BF will take me ever again!!!!!

Ding Dong the Bitch is dead....or Not!!!!!

I have a very big dog...I have a beautiful sweet Rottweiler named Tashi. I love big dogs the bigger the better. I am not a fan of little dogs. I find them yappy and mean. My mom loves small dogs. She has a pain in the ass Yorkshire Terrier, named Zoe, that has a sweet personality but is a horrible dog.

I also have cat named Tigger who only understands she is a cat 50% of the time. The rest of the time she thinks she is a dog. Zoe and Tigger DO NOT like each other. To be honest Tigger could care less about Zoe but Zoe is very concerned with Tigger.

 Last night, in what was, I hope, the turning point in the epic Zoe vs Tigger war, Tigger almost killed Zoe.I am not kidding. Last night as everyone was peacefully watching the news or playing on Facebook (me) Zoe and Tigger got in another skirmish in the kitchen. Shortly after hearing the fight I hear my step-dad saying Zoe is bleeding. My 1st thought was 'I hope Tigger really nailed Zoe. That will teach the dumb ass dog'. I immediately heard my step-dad say again Zoe is bleeding. Immediately followed by my mom "Zoe". I ran into the kitchen to find blood every where (it was a scene any horror movie would be proud to claim) and my mom running in to the bathroom with Zoe. Tigger was sitting under the table licking her paws.

At this point my moms in the bathroom saying shes bleeding from her jugular, my step-dad is looking up the number for the vet and my 7 yr old niece is holding on to me crying. I told my mom get in the car I'll call the vet. At this point my sister shows up and my mom yells at her to move her car. Instead everyone but my niece and I get in my sister's car to go to the vets. After much confusion in which I thought the dumb dog was actually dead they make it to the vets office and call me to meet them there.

I load up my very upset niece and go to the vets office. Were the vet, Dr. Johnson, told us that he has never seen anything like that before and its amazing Zoe is still alive. He said its like a vampire bite Zoe (which is really funny since its my cat that bite her and I do love a good vampire story) and my moms quick thinking saved Zoes life. I use to think my life is dull but weird stuff like this happens to me all the time.