What Happened to A Girl Named Michael?

Where has the time gone?

I knew it had been awhile.

I just did not realize how long it had been since I have written anything.

That might explain that weird frantic unsatisfied feeling I have had recently.  I have been unsettled and frustrated with the world....which are normal feelings for me but have been strangely strong lately.

Today I thought I would share something and discovered I have not written anything since JANUARY!!!

I was a little shocked.

I know how it started I got sick...really sick twice in January. After 2 weeks of laying in bed wondering why I was being punished and plotting my revenge on the nasty little germs that were laying waste to me, I simply fell out of the habit of blogging.

And once the daily habit is gone it becomes a struggle and a nuisance to do it.

I thought about it a number of times (I really did)...I have even had funny things to share. Like planning The Ex-Wife/Friend's wedding and being her Maid of Honor. Or some very yummy recipes. Randoms musings and in case you missed the announcement last December I am engaged so I have a whole wedding to plan and plan and plan.

As the months wore on I got more and more agitated at everyone...I was angry and my Health Nut Sister pointed out often condescending and unkind. I don't like that part of my personality. I work hard on not letting that monster run amok in my life. And one of the ways I do that is be writing...its my outlet, therapy and release.

I also do yoga but haven't been doing that either.

I am back and hoping that this will help with my mental health once again.

My only question is what have you been doing for the last 5 months?

Why Do I Now Have Writers Block...Again?

Last month I participated in the Ultimate Blog Challenge and didn't miss a single post, thinking I sailed through that easy peasy nice and easy I am signing up for NaBloPoMo, the blogger version of NaNoWriMo.

I was all excited and now I cant write. I have nothing at all. I really hate when this happens. I have all these half ideas bouncing around in my head and I can't put my finger on any of them to do anything with it. I feel like my head is a bouncy house.

I often wonder what this feeling is like for other people. That feeling when things are just beyond your reach in your own mind. I find it exasperating and exciting at the same time.

Exasperating because...well that is obvious I can't express myself. I stumble over my words, not just the written word by the spoken word. When this happens I get very tongue tied. I start stumbling over everything I say. Which get annoying fast. I think it has something to do with the frantic pace my life will all the sudden take.


My mind won't be calm and then I start talking faster and faster (which is pretty amazing since I am a really fast talker to begin with). In a desperate need to express myself one way or another I start talking really fast hoping that something will come tumbling out that will be brilliant. It never works. I just end up rambling on about nothing important. Even at work I can not explain simple things.

The only thing that helps is taking a deep breath and focusing. I block out all the random bizarre things bouncing around in my head and focus. It never lasts for long but luckily its long enough to complete the things I need to do at work but not much else.

Usually this block will last a few days and then I am back to normal...or at least what I call normal.

I Am To Funny

Last night my Mom send me this text message.

• Mom: You are mean. Just thinking about that that night makes me sick. And you have to tell the world.

At first I had no idea what she was talking about, it was a really random text. Usually when she sends me random texts I immediately know what she is talking about but this time she had me stubbed.

Then I realized she must have read my blog post from yesterday.

• Me: It was funny
• Mom: No it wasn't
• Me: The next day was funny...when I showed up.

This lead to a brief conversation that involved Health Nut Sister about whither I am funny or not. Which I am. I am freaking hilarious if I do say so myself. And I would like to say seeing a 4 year old (although I think she may have actually been 3) unman two grown women is actually very funny. And its even funnier knowing that at least one of them still gets sick when thinking about that night. ( I can't help it if she doesn't know its funny)

The whole conversation brought up an interesting topic, when you have a blog like this (which is basically me just rambling) what events and topics are off limit? Is anything off limits?

I don't know about you but all is fair in love and blogging.

Personally I won't blog about things that are very personal. That's not true...I do talk about personal stuff all the time. I guess I don't talk about other peoples personal stories, unless there stories involve me and are not hurtful. Unless the hurt is physical pain like the month when I broke my wrist , my niece broke hers and then Health Nut Sister messed up her wrist. That was also funny.

Then we are back to all is fair in love and blogging.

Or is it war and blogging?

Autumn...My favorite Time of Year

There are a lot of reasons to like Autumn.

1. Cooler temperatures.
2. Pumpkin spice...everything.
3. The beautiful colors.
4. Halloween.
5. Football.
6. Spiced Apple Cider.
7. Peaches...lots and lots of peaches.
8. Tomatoes...lots and lots of tomatoes
9. Boots and sweaters.
10. Fuzzy socks.

Yes, I listed fuzzy socks as a top ten reason to love Autumn. 

It is in fact my favorite part of Autumn...getting to wear lots of fuzzy socks.

Thank about it, you come home from a long day at the office. You walk in the door kiss the kids and ask about homework. Kiss The BF and ask after his day. Then you make your way upstairs to strip off the day's uniform. 

You put on a pair of comfy pjs, yoga pants, or whatever you can find and last you open that one drawer and put on a pair of fuzzy socks. It is in this moment that you know you are home for the evening and that no matter what happened life is good and wonderful. It is possibly that in that moment you are happiest.

The moment doesn't last for long, soon someone is asking whats for dinner and you have to leave that moment but the socks will remind you.

What is your favorite part of Autumn?

The inspiration for this post came from Story Dam. Please check out this wonderful site for writers by writers. 

Abandon...What Does it Mean to You?

a·ban·don

tr.v. a·ban·doned, a·ban·don·ing, a·ban·dons

1. To withdraw one's support or help from, especially in spite of duty, allegiance, or responsibility; desert.

2. To give up by leaving or ceasing to operate or inhabit, especially as a result of danger or other impending threat.

3. To surrender one's claim to, right to, or interest in; give up entirely.

4. To cease trying to continue; desist from.

5. To yield (oneself) completely, as to emotion.

n.

1. Unbounded enthusiasm; exuberance.

2. A complete surrender of inhibitions.

The word Abandon really fits my mood lately especially the to surrender one's claim to, right to, or interest in; give up entirely part of the word.

I am in the funk of all funks and while I still laugh and get out of bed every day I have a blah attitude about things. I am withdrawn and moody, is this some odd parallel university where instead of maturing I start acting like a teenager. If that is what is going on then I better start seeing a reversal of some of these fine lines around my eyes.

I think part of the problem is my mind is so cluttered right now that I can't focus on anything and just decided to throw my hands in the air giving up on everything. Is that a normal reaction to do much stuff going on in my mind?  I feel like I can't organize it all my ideas and they are just hanging around taunting me.

Its not just writing ideas, its craft ideas, and work projects and family events. Everything is a mess and I would love to walk away from it all. I can't even focus on one book to finish it. In the last week I have started 6 different books and despite them all being good I have given up on them all.

I really need to figure this all out and soon because I would much rather be living life with unbounded enthusiasm; exuberance instead of cease trying to continue; desist from life.


This inspiration for this post came from Story Dam. Please check out this wonderful site for writers by writers. 

Writing With One Hand Behind My Back

Yesterday I shared that I was already to write a post, got upset and then was unable to write. This happened to me often last month. That is why my posts were few and very far between. Just when I was ready to start posting again I would get upset again. July was not a good month for me.

Seriously sitting here writing this I have tears running down my face. 

But it has got me thinking...why do I have such a hard time writing about the dark emotions in my life? 

Not the angry/hateful emotions, I have no problem expressing my annoyance with the world ask my coworkers, friends, family, random strangers. Its  the sad depressing ones emotions that I do not often express well. I keep them bottled up and locked down until you find me huddled in a corner sobbing and unable to tell you what is wrong. And when that happens I can not write. I can not do much of anything to be honest.

I think it is because at some point in my life I decided that those emotions are not to be expressed...after all big girls don't cry. Right?  It is something I have struggles with for most of my life. Crying is weak, I am not weak, hence I don't cry...its my emotional version of if A = B and B  = C then A = C (take note mom, that is 4 years of college at work right there). 

This attitude has never served me well and I think its time I moved on..it is hindering my ability to write about all the funny adventurous things that have happened. Or the very random thoughts that I know you are dying to read. 

This last month a lot of what happened is not about me but a close family member who is going through a really rough part of life and my heart brakes when ever I am confronted with what is happening. After spending time with the family member I often go home and cry or sit in my office and cry or drive home and cry...I have been crying a lot. I didn't even know I could cry that much. And while I am not going to share their story because I want to respect their privacy, I have decided it is okay to share my emotions. 

You have been warned.

I think I just matured a little. 

This may be a sign of the end times. 

This inspiration for this post came from Story Dam. Please check out this wonderful site for writers by writers. 

I Will Blog About Anything but I Will Not Blog About That.

Recently I have had a severe case of writers block. Just out of the blue I am blank. My life is as exciting and weird as always but when I go to write about my adventures the words will not flow. In fact I rewrote that sentence 4 times before I was satisfied and to be honest I still don't like it.

A friend suggested I should write about something outside my comfort zone. I was immediately stumped what is outside my comfort zone. I am okay sharing most anything that happens and he suggested I talk about my political views.

After briefly considering the idea I thought OH HELL NO!!!!

Not that I am scared to discuss my views. Come have coffee with me and I will be more than happy to have a conversation with you but when you blog or write about them on the internet people think it is acceptable to "comment and run". Most often the comments are not constructive but mean and hatefully and do not further the conversation.

This does not encourage an exchange of ideas or understanding. Whatever happened to people listening and seeing the others persons point of view. Just because you understand their point and why they belief something doesn't mean you have to agree with them or change your view points. It will help you have a better view of the world.

But we often don't do this and I am as guilty as everyone else. Often if I am passionate about something I forget to talk to people (which shockingly involves listening) and tend to get all fired up and demanding my view points are correct. I forget that my political beliefs like my religious ones are based on my experience and not everyone has had the same experiences as me.

Because of that I will not talk about my political beliefs on my blog I like it being a happy place where people don't call me names or ridicule me. Of course you may do those things but you don't share with me and I am okay with that.

Is there something you wont blog about?

I Write Like WHO?

A long time ago I wrote a blog about my sisters making me cry like only sisters can. In an attempt to cheer me up (I think) one of my brothers (The Geeky One) posted this comment.

The Geeky One 

Just thought I would let you know when I post this post into http://iwl.me it said you write like Stephen King

When I read the comment I did smile. I do enjoy Stephen King books and it was a rough rough day.

Periodically when I am having a day like that I will randomly pick a post or some other random ramblings and just to see who I am writing like that day. Some weeks I am a little obsessed with it. 

It often changes from day to day. I am not sure if it my mood or that I have multiple personality disorder. Or if the site cant really tell who my ramblings most resemble. 

I have debated if I should share some posts and the different authors...that just seems like I am begging, "Please read my post". Then thought of course I want you to read my posts. So here goes:

• Today's post is most like - Cory Doctorov
• The BF...You Are My Hero - Daniel Defoe
• Dating Your Friends Ex-Husband - Raymond Chandler
• You Buy the Condoms, No You Buy the Condoms - Stephen King
• We All Just Want to be Big Rock Stars - Neil Gaiman

I am not sure how they analyse the writing and determine the answer but its lots of fun to do...just go to I Write Like.

Have you tried this site?

Who do you write like? 

Did you like the answer?